It’s time for the Hernia Hot Stove

Some topics floated around the GM meetings this week that were overlooked by sloppy, careless reporters:

• Royals cutting more costs; will not have first baseman in 2007
• Devil Rays rumored to be courting new Gatorade cooler if the price is right
• Sympathetic veterinarian likely to put Mark Prior’s arm to sleep
• Yanks still eyeing Jesus for team Chaplin
• Red Sox baffled by Manny’s demand to be traded to the Red Sox
• Scott Boras asking for rights to Omar Minaya’s soul in Zito talks
• Marlins expected to hire great manager for one season
• Sheffield to be named Eminem’s new chief of security
• Phillies in heated talks to acquire Brewers batboy Rusty Fallwell
• Pirates mulling playing naked
• Devil Rays said to be converting bullpen to putting green
• Mets close to signing someone who speaks English
• Cubs said to be scouting pitchers with arms
• Giants looking to fill selfish asshole void left by Bonds
• Frank Thomas excited to fill selfish asshole void for Blue Jays
• A’s strictly seeking free agents with beards
• Reds in negotiations with Paste and Ryder from Nintendo’s "Bases Loaded"
• Rangers owner Tom Hicks lusting to overpay for horrible free agent pitcher
• Rockies testing balls lubed with Giambis hair-gel to limit effects of Coors Field
• Zito’s list of demands include bad drummer and terrible keyboardist for impromptu jam sessions