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So much to be thankful for…
- Updated: November 22, 2006
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, the Hernia contacted various members of the sports world to find out what they?re most thankful for. Surprisingly, many of them obliged:
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A-Rod ? The ability to buy purple lip-gloss anonymously online
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Lance Armstrong ? One kick-ass testicle
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Marion Jones ? Two kick-ass testicles
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Eli Manning ? Chad Pennington
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MLB Pitchers ? Alyssa Milano
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Mutombo ? Industrial strength tube socks
- Bill Walton ? Tie-dye shirts, tie-dye headbands, and other tie-dye accessories
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31 NFL teams ? The Arizona Cardinals
- Albert Pujols ? No HGH testing
- Strippers ? NBA players
- NBA players ? Strippers
- Ocho Cinco ? Chad Johnson
- Hubie Brown ? Hair straightener
- Bill Belichick ? Project Runway marathons on Bravo
- Jeff Van Gundy ? Magnum condoms
- Matt Millen ? Wide receivers
- Stephen Jackson ? The NRA
- James Dolan ? DNA, shoe-lifts
- Terry Bradshaw ? Hogan?s hair stylist
- Ron Artest ? WWF action figures
- Johnny Damon ? Hairroids
- Ben Wallace ? Backboards
- Millions of NFL Viewers ? The SAP button for when Joe Buck is announcing
- Karl Malone ? Glow sticks and short ties
- Jerry Rice & Emmitt Smith ? Siegfried & Roy?s wardrobe leftovers
- Stephen A. Smith ? Internal megaphone surgery
- Frito Lay Corporation ? Jerome James
- George Michael ? Sports, Machines
- Mike Francesca ? Nothing
- ADD kids ? ESPN?s Ultimate Highlight
- SportsCenter anchors ? Carrot Top?s comedic vision
- Chris Andersen ? No more random drug tests
- Gary Payton ? XL Gobstoppers
- LeBron James ? Chia Beard(tm)
- Pau Gasol ? Not having George Steinbrenner as a GM
- Phil Mickelson ? Steel-wired bras
- Tiger Woods ? Mock Turtlenecks
- Mel Kiper Jr. ? Diesel grade motor-oil for wigpiece
- Kobe Bryant ? Full-length vanity mirror
- Defensive backs ? Drew Bledsoe
- Awful puns ? Chris Berman
- Fat White Chicks ? NBA Players
- The NHL ? New multi-hundred dollar TV contract with Canadian Telemundo