Sports Hernia Blog

So much to be thankful for…

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, the Hernia contacted various members of the sports world to find out what they?re most thankful for. Surprisingly, many of them obliged:

  • A-Rod ? The ability to buy purple lip-gloss anonymously online

  • Lance Armstrong ? One kick-ass testicle

  • Marion Jones ? Two kick-ass testicles

  • Eli Manning ? Chad Pennington

  • MLB Pitchers ? Alyssa Milano

  • Mutombo ? Industrial strength tube socks

  • Bill Walton ? Tie-dye shirts, tie-dye headbands, and other tie-dye accessories
  • 31 NFL teams ? The Arizona Cardinals

  • Albert Pujols ? No HGH testing
  • Strippers ? NBA players
  • NBA players ? Strippers
  • Ocho Cinco ? Chad Johnson
  • Hubie Brown ? Hair straightener
  • Bill Belichick ? Project Runway marathons on Bravo
  • Jeff Van Gundy ? Magnum condoms
  • Matt Millen ? Wide receivers
  • Stephen Jackson ? The NRA
  • James Dolan ? DNA, shoe-lifts
  • Terry Bradshaw ? Hogan?s hair stylist
  • Ron Artest ? WWF action figures
  • Johnny Damon ? Hairroids
  • Ben Wallace ? Backboards
  • Millions of NFL Viewers ? The SAP button for when Joe Buck is announcing
  • Karl Malone ? Glow sticks and short ties
  • Jerry Rice & Emmitt Smith ? Siegfried & Roy?s wardrobe leftovers
  • Stephen A. Smith ? Internal megaphone surgery
  • Frito Lay Corporation ? Jerome James
  • George Michael ? Sports, Machines
  • Mike Francesca ? Nothing
  • ADD kids ? ESPN?s Ultimate Highlight
  • SportsCenter anchors ? Carrot Top?s comedic vision
  • Chris Andersen ? No more random drug tests
  • Gary Payton ? XL Gobstoppers
  • LeBron James ? Chia Beard(tm)
  • Pau Gasol ? Not having George Steinbrenner as a GM
  • Phil Mickelson ? Steel-wired bras
  • Tiger Woods ? Mock Turtlenecks
  • Mel Kiper Jr. ? Diesel grade motor-oil for wigpiece
  • Kobe Bryant ? Full-length vanity mirror
  • Defensive backs ? Drew Bledsoe
  • Awful puns ? Chris Berman
  • Fat White Chicks ? NBA Players
  • The NHL ? New multi-hundred dollar TV contract with Canadian Telemundo

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