Sports Hernia Blog

Barbaro: 4/29/03 – 1/29/07

Barbaro struts his stuff on Dancing With the Stars during his ill-fated comeback

Barbaro – A Timeline Retrospective

Spring 1988 – Barbaro’s father, BarbaroSonto, wreaks havoc at trendy Manhattan nightclub Limelight after being snubbed of an Oscar nod for lead performance in the highly praised Hot to Trot.

April 29, 2003Lex Luger and BarbaroSonto give birth to Barbaro.

Summer 2003 – Neil Young and Barbaro join Eddie Vedder on-stage to sing "Rockin’ in the Free World", surprising a raging MSG crowd on opening night.

Fall 2003 – Barbaro loses role of Seabiscuit during 2nd day of filming after he was caught banging Tobey McGuire’s girlfriend, inadvertently kickstarting racing career.

March 2004, Wrestlemania – Barbaro effortlessly sends Vince McMahon flying over the ropes with emotional "hoof-kick" after McMahon mocks horse racing to disapproving Southern crowd.

October 2005 – Barbaro replaces Dale Earnhardt Jr. at the Daytona 500 and finishes a respectable 4th despite a very heavy Budweiser car.

May 2006 – After experiencing turbulent winds, Donald Trump’s helicopter lands safely on Barbaro’s back as he wins the Kentucky Derby.

August 2006 – Barbaro weds Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in a secluded wedding ceremony just outside of Prague.

September 2006 – Disillusioned with his new found celebrity status, Barbaro joins the Peace Corps, eventually spending time at a Buddhist temple in Tibet before returning to the U.S.

November 2006 – Barbaro has major setback on Dancing With the Stars
after awkwardly slipping on Emmit Smith’s boot tassel during a group
dance warm-up.

December 2006 – Paris Hilton reveals she’s late, giving us renewed hope that Barbaro will become a father.

Early January 2007 – Barbaro, seemingly healthy again, enjoys glorious beach jog with new BFF Matthew McConaughey.

Yesterday – Martin Scorsese tabs Barbaro to play Louis XIV for his upcoming Victorian era epic "Louis".

Minutes before being euthanized – Barbaro smokes 8lb. blunt with Snoop Dogg and Nate Newton.