Phoenix medical professionals excited for Prior-Wood duel start

With Mark Prior and Kerry Wood both scheduled to make their spring training debuts against the Mariners tomorrow, the normally full house in Phoenix won’t be so normal. Instead of the regular die-hards that continually fill the stadium wondering aloud "why me", the stands will instead be packed to the gills with doctors, surgeons, physical therapists, and EMTs all waiting to be the first to get their hands on a flying arm or a violent spray of bone chips. 

"With both guys pitching in the same game, who knows what could happen," said renowned physical therapist Yancey Berkowitz while fighting off a shit-eating grin. "I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them got attacked by a Lion on the way to the mound, like that scene in Naked Gun. What I’m more worried about is the other guys in the clubhouse. If I was them, I’d intentionally get into a car accident on my way to the game just to avoid being on that field. But either way, it translates to big business for us."

Frightened manager Lou Pinella has put both DL-devoted pitchers on a cautious pitch count of 3, and with the likely chance of lightening striking the mound multiple times, the team will be carrying 36 pitchers for the game.

To promote the return of both fractured pitchers, free slings, elbow braces, and body casts will be handed out to anyone who arrives to the game both sober and with a positive attitude.

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