Headlines

A brief look at todays headlines:

T.O. won’t catch passes until training camp
-Vows to catch herpes instead

Jackson talks with Pippen about comeback
-Prays ex-pupil means on "Dancing With the Stars"

Daly quits after fan with camera injures him
-Becomes first ?pulled fat? injury ever recorded

Kid Rock will perform at pre-Indy 500 event
-Presumably in local Chile’s

Federer streaks on, wins another Dubai title
-Expected to crack second career smile after 28th Grand Slam title

Sheffield predicting monster year for A-Rod
-A-Rod predicting monster year for new line of Bronzer

Bengals’ Nicholson sentenced to probation
-Bengals mascot trial to begin next week

Spurrier suspends star QB recruit for spring
-Now only allowed to bang any chick on campus in dorm room

Shaq to help overweight kids with TV show
-But mostly by eating all their food

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