- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
- LeBron’s Wild Hairline Fits Larry O’Brien Trophy … and a Chew Toy
- “Danny Farts Ball” Video Has 500K Views
- The Boston Globe Has Officially Stopped Giving A Shit
- Detroit Lions Take Sucking to An All New Level
- Sepp Blatter Resigns, Vince McMahon Rumored as Replacement
- Family Guy Called the Bruce Jenner “Situation” Quite Some Time Ago; Twice
- T.J. Miller Wins Hernia Immunity For 25 Years
Wood on the DL?
- Updated: March 29, 2007
(CHICAGO, IL) — With less than a week until opening day the Cubs got a shocking, unfamiliar piece of news: Kerry Wood will be placed on the DL. With this report, on top of Mark Prior already being sent to the morgue, er minors, Hernia reporters scrambled to dig up some other shocking headlines making waves as teams prepare for the season. This is what they came up with:
– Curt Schilling adores the sound of his own voice.
– Joe Morgan still thinks Billy Beane wrote Moneyball.
– The Minnesota Twins didn’t get contracted.
– Pedro Martinez left the midget and coconut tree behind to start rehab on latest injury.
– Pete Rose bets on the sun rising.
– Ozzie Guillen hates fags
– And Air is still free!