Sports Hernia Blog

Athletes in the Movies had the right idea with their recent "You Outta Be In Pictures" buzz piece featuring the best suited re-makes for athletes to star in, but we couldn’t resist chiming in with a few of our own.

Tom Brady’s re-make:

  • The Longest Yard
  • The Sports Hernia: Hard to Kill 2 (starring Tom Brady’s sperm)


Danica Patrick’s re-make:

Andy Roddick’s re-make:

David Beckham’s re-make:

  • The name is Beckham… David Beckham
  • The Sports Hernia: The name is Antin… Jonathan Antin

Stacey Kiebler’s re-make:

Dwayne Wade’s re-make:

Maria Sharapova’s re-make:

  • The Royal Tenenbaums
  • The Sports Hernia: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (Daryl Hannah version)

We also took a frightening look into our archives for some key forgotten roles of athletes and sports personalities on the big screen:

  • Kevin Kennedy as Freddy Krueger
  • ESPN’s resident Fantasy geek Eric Karabell as Lucas
  • Jerry Jones as The Emperor in Return of the Jedi
  • Clippers’ Chris Kaman and Islanders’ Chris Blake as Orcs #273 and #371 in Lord of the Rings


And while we’re here, our Hernia Hollywood mole gave us some insight into screenplays that are possibly just moments away from being green-lighted:

  • Copland II starring Shaq, The Big Boss Man, and Olden Polynice

  • The Color of Money II starring Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, and Charles Oakley
  • Kill Bill (Belichick) starring the entire NFL
  • Kill Bill (Parcells) starring Jerry Jones and Terrell Owens
  • The Munsters Movie starring Georghe Muerson and featuring Mark Cuban as Eddie Munster


  1. Marv

    March 13, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    That was probably the least amount of makeup required for Lord of the Rings. All they had to do was put a bald cap on Kaman.

  2. Chris Kaman

    March 13, 2007 at 4:10 pm

    abldfjgjpriwet. lfjsgkj?

  3. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    March 13, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    again, no Shawn Bradley. You must be haters

    (the Kaman picture in fan-tas-tic )

  4. Gerrard Sir Hornypants

    March 13, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    i wish the Clippers P.A. announcer got drunk one night and went “At 7 Feet, from the depths of Mooooordor….CHRIS KAMAN!!!”

    Ricky — those rumors of Sean Bradley being a Cobra-Kai in the Karate Kid were just that…rumors

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