Sports Hernia Blog

Rip Hamilton mistaken for sewer rat, swept away by maintenance crew


the exciting fesitivities that took place after Detroit clinched the
top seed
in the mighty Eastern Conference, Rip "Ruthie" Hamilton was
mistakenly swept off the court by the United Center’s diligent
maintence crew.

"I didn’t know what happened," said team
hedgehog Chauncey Billups. "I went to smack his ass like I always do
and he wasn’t there. I was like, ‘where is that masked dickhead?’"

105lb. pogo stick was stuck in a dust pan on his way to the United
Center’s garbage facility, apparently dazed from the initial thrust of
the broom. It wasn’t until a sharp turn inside the cooridor that the
crew realized Hamilton was among the debris in the dust pan.

were almost at the home stretch, so I guess I got a little cocky and took
a hard turn," explained crew member Roy Kegnuski. "His head smacked
right into a steel door. I had no idea it was Rip, I thought it was a
sewer rat, or some kind of annyoing bug. I mean, look at him. And at the time, I had no clue how it
got out on the court, but when I saw it, I smacked that sucker with a
quick left-right and flung him right into my trap door dust pan. His
head must have popped out the side on that turn."

Hamilton was
unavailable for comment as he was being treated for scrapes,
bruises, and menstraul pain by a Chicago area veterenarian while ultra-freaky
Tayshaun Prince nervously sat at his bedside.


  1. Ruthie

    April 12, 2007 at 4:27 pm

    I’m insulted.

  2. Roy Kegnuski

    April 12, 2007 at 5:01 pm

    Get over it, Ruthie.

  3. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    April 13, 2007 at 4:36 am

    in the picture he actually looks nicer than his usual self

  4. JJ

    April 13, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    great artwork

  5. JOVE

    April 13, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    He may look like a rat, but he’s a rich rat.

  6. Sheeeeeeeeed

    April 13, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    First of all, its the Palace of Auburn Hills. The Bulls play at the United Center. Second of all, top seed is damn right!! All the way son!

  7. The Sports Hernia

    April 13, 2007 at 7:08 pm

    They played the Bulls that night at the United Center though, but regardless, they clinched at the Palace. Terrible error. The Detroit Hernia mole will be fired for this.

  8. Chanell

    August 21, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    Rip Hamilton does not look like a fuckin rat so stop hatin.

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