Sports Hernia Blog

Aaron Rowand runs into random wall to jumpstart Phillies


(PHILADELPHIA, PA) — During a Philadelphia Phillies players’ meeting intended to remedy problems the team has faced this year, outfielder Aaron Rowand jumped up and ran head-on into a wall in an attempt to get teammates fired up.

The random act of bravery/stupidity came during hour three of the meeting, in the midst of an unintelligible rant from pitcher Antonio Alfonseca.

"We were just sitting there trying to understand what Antonio was saying when all of a sudden we hear this yelling from the corner of the clubhouse," pitcher and grandfather Jamie Moyer said.  "The yelling got louder and louder and then I see Rowand sprinting full speed into the giant red P painted on the wall."

Rowand hit the wall head-on, losing consciousness immediately before crumpling into a pile of used jockstraps, softening his fall. Sources say an emotional 80’s slow-clap suddenly developed in the room, which eventually swelled to a deafening roar. By the time Rowand regained consciousness 35 minutes later, the Phillies were rabid animals, leaving the locker room for the field in an absolute frenzy.

The Phillies then lost to the Marlins in 11 innings.