Sports Hernia Blog

Another desperate passenger bails on Doug Collins

Collins_drives_5th_red_eye_passenge

(SALT LAKE CITY, UT) — A giddy Doug Collins, known by many frequent flyers as Ted Striker, claimed yet another victim early this morning on his red-eye flight from Salt Lake City following Utah’s series clinching victory over the Warriors. The rambling, air-time hogging ass kisser was so pepped up after the game that he was stopped by airport medical staff, who thought he was having a seizure. Once the confusion was cleared up, Collins happily boarded the plane where things got ugly.

Midway through the flight, Ronda Gullen, who was sitting next to Collins, was found dead after presumably trying to stuff herself into the overhead compartment to get away from Collins’ inane babbling.

"He kept saying ‘little’ and ‘special’. Everything was little and special," said flight attendant Monroe Darlington.  "He was infatuated with the liquor bottles too.  He kept saying ‘can I have one of those little vodka bottles?  Those little bottles
are so special because they give you just the right amount of alcohol.’ Over and over and over, I mean, just shut up for five minutes, it’s not too much to ask.  And every time I walked by he was talking about how little and special Dee Brown and Derek Fisher are. I swear, if I was sitting next to him, I’d be hanging from the ceiling too.  That poor woman."

After the deceased Gullen was removed, Collins continued his antics, going through multiple bags of peanuts without once taking a breath from speaking. The final straw came when he repeatedly kept asking for a set of  "little Delta wings" for his "little son Chrissy", forcing attendants to move him to the luggage stowaway for the remainder of the flight.

A Delta spokeswoman said even before Gullen met her untimely death, a "surprisingly high" number of vomit bags were used for a flight that experienced no turbulence.

9 Comments

  1. NFL Adam

    May 16, 2007 at 1:40 pm

    Ha. Wow, I laughed out loud at that picture. Well done.

  2. Kevin Harlan

    May 16, 2007 at 1:48 pm

    Seriously, I can barely get a word in with this self-absorbed, suddenly blonde-haired douchebag.

  3. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    May 18, 2007 at 8:45 pm

    the pic is wonderful

    I don’t know why u r so hard on Doug Collins, after all he coached Michael Jordan (even if he doesn’t like to talk about that)

  4. marv

    May 19, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    Laughing – nice comment, Ricky

  5. Mo Lickity

    May 19, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    Imagine Doug Collins and Ted Striker trading war stories? Striker with actual war stories and Collins with his continued, idiotic ramblings.

  6. Epps

    May 19, 2007 at 2:45 pm

    How about Collins and Joe Theismann listing all the players they deem “special” as a direct result of their “little” meeting with them before the game?

  7. Dan Gastman

    February 28, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    With my interest waning in the NBA the league has seen to pushing and punishing me over the edge with all of this “Doug Collins” on the air. He drives me crazing with his incessent babbling-babbling-babbling–has there ever been an announcer that talks as much as this jerk?? He aires ever thought that ever enters his head….my mute button is getting worn out. DOUG…READ THIS BLOG…AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!! YOU’RE DRIVING FANS AWAY FROM THE NBA…DOUCHBAG!!

  8. Richard

    March 19, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    Doug Collins is NOT (I repeat) NOT a good color announcer. He is NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE. He doesn’t have much good to say about anyone; at least not during a game. At least 95 percent of what he purports is ALWAYS negative. If he would just call the game like a normal color announcer he WOULD be much better. Exciting things are happening during a game and he’s pontificating about a players past history. What the hades do we care at that moment! Doug, we don’t! What we need is someone who is INTO the game; watches what is actually happening and is more positive with things that are going on during the game rather than all the negative crap; and I mean crap. Once in a while, Doug, actually makes some sense but far-and-away it’s the same old “drivel” spewing from his mouth. If he would get a clue (no, I think your actually clueless) the game would be more of a pleasure to listen to. I don’t expect Doug to change (Doug, can you change???????) so I say just replace him with someone more positive; at least one that watches the game and makes more positive comments about what’s happening on the floor rather than the drivel that comes from his mouth; and yes it is definitely drivel. So, Doug are you up to the task? I’m sure you could be, if you want to be. To be or not to be is the question.

  9. bleedingears

    August 24, 2008 at 3:49 am

    DOES HE EVERY SHUT UP – EVERY GAME HE NEVER EVER STOPS TALKING. THIS OLYMPIC GAME IS A PAIN WITH HIM NEVER SHUTTING THE HELL UP!
    HOW DO YOU GET ON TV WITH A RATCHET JAW. SAME CLASS AS THE UCLA BLOWHARD WALTON.

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