Sports Hernia Blog

Broadcasters’ infamous brushes with the law

In light of the recent Bill Maas arrest where the husky broadcaster was caught with a .22 caliber revolver, 5 grams of weed, 6 grams of cocaine, and 8 smuggled cheeseburgers under his tongue, we felt it would be appropriate to take a look at some of the memorable arrests in the world of broadcasting.

– After an anonymous tip, Mike Breen’s hotel room gets raided where authorities find 400 pairs of stolen pleated Dockers.

– John Madden stopped and searched by security after spotting suspicious object in pants.  Madden gets booked
for smuggling Oscar Meyer Hot Dog cruiser into stadium along with several pounds of chicken wings.

– Government incarcerates Suzy Kolber on suspicion of her unworldly seductive powers.

Stockton_insane_3– Dick ‘smokehair’ Stockton gets mistaken for Dr. Emmett Brown, sent to looney bin for two months until mistaken identity is finally cleared up.

– Mark Schlareth busted with 12 illegal replacement knees from Canada and 30 pounds of makeup.

– Kirk Herbrstreit and his crew arrested for hijacking truck filled with cartons of baby blue button-down shirts.

– Craig Sager stopped in Las Vegas airport after trying to board plane wearing pulsing neon suit powered by plutonium.

– Sean Salisbury carted away for having mirrors on his shoes.  Suspended without pay for eight minutes by ESPN. 

– Dick Vitale sexually assaults ESPN’s on-set tournament bracket for the East, still awaiting sentence.

– Stephen A. Smith charged with kidnapping Cheetos mascot, spends six months in undisclosed correctional facility.

– John Clayton’s four-hair combover indicted for mail fraud.

– Joe Morgan arrested at Chicago’s Shedd Aquarium after hopping between the fish and lizard tanks.

– Chris Berman brought in on multiple charges including giving oral sex to a 25-foot buffet.

– Marv Albert nabbed
after authorities realized he was wearing an endangered ferret on his head.

– A thorough search of Greg Gumbel’s trunk reveals 25 stolen titanium curlers.  Gumbel settles out of court.

– Tim McCarver busted in Florida hotel room after trying to apply "Just For Men" on hookers private area.

– Shelly Smith unjustly accused of shoplifting jumbo pack of diapers from Long Island Costco.

– Ric Bucher charged with malicious intent and impersonating a wax figure after fondling female museum-goers.

– Kevin Harlen taken away by FBI mid game after on-air diatribe in which he professed his allegiance to General Zod.

Counterpoint Steve Phillips and the Hamburgler arrested for
storming Mayor McCheese’s Mansion.  Point Phillips had no comment.

Mean Gene seized by government officials after IRS accusations by Slick shockingly ring true.