Sports Hernia Blog

Sports caricature t-shirt review (Part 1)

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Charles Barkley & Rick Mahorn  –  Thump ‘N Bump

This was clearly the inspiration to Shake & Bake in the movie "Talladega Nights."  But our question is, who is Thump and who is Bump?  Or maybe they meant it to be Thumb and Bump, since Mahorn mostly had his thumb up his own ass.  Regardless, this shirt amazes in almost every way possible.  Starting with Barkley’s ridiculously accurate chiseled biceps and the somewhat abstract depiction of his gigantic party gut, to Mahorn’s chubby, bloated look, the imaginative artist truly nailed both personas.  The sexual tension here between Barkley and Mahorn is palpable.

Sources say six different caricature artists were initially brought in, all of whom failed to fit Mahorn and Barkley’s asses within the 8"x8" parameters they were given, before eventually just replacing their lower halves with Hersey Hawkins and Johnny Dawkins.

If Chuck or Mahorn actually looked anywhere close to this during their days in Philly, it’s safe to say one of them would’ve killed Craig Ehlo and/or Mark Price during the Sixers’ ?flagrant foul rule implementing? playoff run of 1990.  And speaking of that run, the fact that they aren’t wearing their message-sending black sneakers is a crime in itself. 

The biggest surprise of all here might be that Rick Mahorn was actually on one of these caricature t-shirts.  The least surprising?  The blood.

And where is Mike Gminski and Bob Thorton’s "Brick ‘n Hack" shirt in all of this?  Or was it Brick ‘n Flop?  Brick ‘n Sit?

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The Original Dream Team

Strangely enough, these are real pictures of Larry Bird, Patrick Ewing and Scottie Pippen – a massive screw up that went unnoticed for many years. Their natural heads amazingly rival the exaggerated cartoon head of David Robinson.  And even in this cartoon drawing, you can see Stockton’s face saying "I’m very uncomfortable with Charles on me like this."

Sources on the set say Ewing immediately ate that ball out of Bird’s hand like a Gobstopper after the last picture was snapped, all while not sweating profusely.  Even more amazing, Stockton took his ball and threw a behind the back pass to Robinson, who violently threw one down on Bird.

Impressive work by the set director here in placing all three whities in positions of symmetry.  Still unclear as to why Stockton, Barkley, Robinson, Ewing and Magic were all wearing mouthpieces for the shoot.

Even more unclear is how awkward it must be for someone to reel off the Hall of Fame names on this roster and then say "Chris Mullen."  Oddly enough, to this day Mullen uses this artist rendering of himself for league publicity photos.

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Darryl Strawberry

Created by the same team that did Amos n’ Andy, this caricature was clearly drawn after Darryl did a monster line of coke.  Just look at his face, he’s seeing God there.  Rumor has it that Straw was so busy partying, they actually brought in Jimmy Walker from ?Good Times? as a stand-in for the 5-minute sketch session.  Dyn-o-mite!!!

While many of you may think Paul Lo Duca and David Wright started the Mets awesome eyebrow-waxing trend, it’s pretty clear who started it after seeing the harsh wax job on Straw in this picture.  His nostrils however, can only be described as amazingly roomy and 100% proportionate to the rest of his face.

It obviously doesn’t belong in the same category as Keith’s, but kudos to the amazing subtle touch here on the mustache with the lowercase "m" for Mets. 

And if that’s supposed to be the New York skyline to the left on Straw’s helmet, great job on another brilliant subtle touch.  If not, nice effort on that shitty, sloppy shadow.

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