Sports Hernia Blog

Contador denies winning Tour de France to avoid doping allegations

Contador_wins_tour_de_france_or_not
Contador, seen here screaming "Get this jersey off me!" while trying to ride fast enough so it will peel away from his flesh.   

Tour de France winner Alberto Contador denied accusations that he
came in first place in the world’s most prestigious cycling event, as winning the race has become the ultimate litmus test for doping.

"That was not me who came in first, despite what you may or may not have seen," Contador said vehemently.  "I am a clean loser."

Sources say the Spaniard was ecstatic to remain in second and not fall into the ultimate Catch-22 situation of winning the event, when former leader Michael Rasmussen’s own team ousted him just five days from the finish.

"!Hijo de puta!" Contador was reportedly heard screaming following the news of Rasmussen’s demise. 

After reluctantly crossing the finish line for the Discovery Channel Team, Contador went on to claim he was just an actor filming the final scene of the "Breaking Away" re-make — in a clearly, desperate plea.

"No, en serio.  I’m serious.  It stars, Jimmy Fallon, Adam Sandler and uh… Rob Schneider."

7 Comments

  1. sleek miik

    July 30, 2007 at 5:18 pm

    hah!! hilarious.

  2. SportSavvy

    July 30, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    HAHA. Great, great, article. Come visit our site sometime!

  3. Von Kaiser

    July 30, 2007 at 11:06 pm

    “denies winning” – gold.

  4. Vram

    July 31, 2007 at 12:04 am

    “I’m a clean loser”

  5. Malibu

    August 3, 2007 at 11:35 am

    AWESOME

    i would deny wearing that helmet too though (and yellow spandex ofcourse) but thats just me…

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    August 23, 2010 at 2:18 am

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