Sports Hernia Blog

Groom announces affection for wife… and that his Fantasy Baseball Team Sucks

Something stinks to the groom and it’s not the Escargot.

(Stuckeyville) — Scour28 (Yahoo! ID), friend of the Sports Hernia and dedicated owner of ’24/7 Rack Patrol,’ the failing shameful squad in Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball League ‘The Freak Show,’ boldly announced ?My Fantasy Baseball Team Sucks," to 50 guests gathered at his rehearsal dinner to celebrate his impending nuptials the following morning.  Many in attendance were perplexed as the erstwhile owner began explaining his reasoning behind the ill-fated and much maligned trade of Justin Verlander for the slumping, aging Samoan Bobby Abreu.

"I don’t know, I guess I liked the way he was spraying the ball all over the field early on.  It seemed effortless, like the way one of my groomsmen popped open that bottle of champagne when he woke up this morning.  It’s all just too much, but I had to let everybody know because my team really does suck, they suck bad."

Once he began breaking down Abreu?s strong OPS in the month of June, his embarrassed fianc? wrestled the microphone from him and immediately cued up the band to play ‘Margaritaville.’  Coincidentally each band member was wearing a different baseball cap, each representing a team from the AL East, his favorite division.