Sports Hernia Blog

Jon Kitna’s desperate plea to fantasy owners: Don’t pick me

Kitna (left) has selfishly spent too much time getting mangled.

Another football season is rapidly approaching us and with that comes millions of fantasy drafts set to take place over the next two weeks leading up to opening night on September 6th when the Saints play the Colts.  Sensing the moment and probably preparing a fantasy cheat sheet of his own, Lions quarterback Jon Kitna issued this disturbing yet sobering statement to the press:

"To everyone out there, for god’s sake just take someone else.  I’m talking back-up QBs too, not just your starter: TAKE. SOMEONE. ELSE.  Every year many of you idiots take me, get all excited and then boom, I absolutely crap the bed like an untrained puppy.  You know I suck.  I’m a freakin’ Lion!  Get your head out of your ass and make a solid pick.  I’m tired of being forced to defend myself on the streets when I don’t even want to.  The fact that I dropped myself from my own fantasy team last year should be enough to scare you away, so do us all a favor on draft night and just let my sucky self be.  And in the rarest of rare chances that I might actually get hot for one or two weeks, or even a quarter or two, don’t (expletive) jinx it you selfish (expletive), leave me on waivers to rot like decaying roadkill.  Thanks and have an amazingly (expletive) day. 

Awfully yours,

Jon Kitna"


  1. Tuffy

    August 27, 2007 at 10:32 am

    I’m still taking you as my first string QB, so f**k you Kitna.

  2. Shitiot

    August 27, 2007 at 11:17 am

    Hey Kitna, go blow yourself. I’m drafting you.

  3. Brad

    August 27, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    Oh, so sorry Jan, didn’t mean to get your panties in a bunch.

    Suck on it, I’m drafting you.

  4. Penetti

    August 27, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    You do always suck Kitna, but I’m definitely drafting you anyway.

  5. Malibu

    August 27, 2007 at 12:46 pm

    my whole draft got Kitna’d last year….

  6. SouthSide Irish

    August 27, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    Get over yourself already Kitna and suck it up!! Its time to be everything we all thought you can be in that offense. Lay off the drugs!!

  7. Johnny P

    August 28, 2007 at 9:33 am

    You should change your name to sh!tna!

  8. Jay

    August 29, 2007 at 3:54 pm

    This is the year John! I am behind you 100% until you tank.

  9. salma hayek

    August 11, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    pretty good post, i’ll read have to check this blog out more often :)

  10. salma hayek

    August 11, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    pretty good post, i’ll read have to check this blog out more often :)

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