Sports Hernia Blog

The 1980’s NBA Dream Team

Inspired by Sports Illustrated’s running piece on Dream Teams, the NBA specifically, we decided to create dream team’s of our own, breaking it down by decade, starting with the All 1980’s Team.

Important note: intangibles are just important as any statistic.

1980’s NBA Dream Team

C – Manute Bol, 8’9, 103lbs.
–  Honored for redefining the center position forever, Bol’s ability to block shots, alter shots, hoof kick shots, and spot up from three at any given moment makes this pick easy.  Ability to dunk his own balls and elaborate locker room pranks are an added plus.

PF – Jack Sikma, 6’10, flawless perm 
–  The man behind the perm and early inductee into the Hernia Hall of Fame, Sikma was one of the original studs that put female’s asses in the seats and forced them to care about not only the action in his pants, but the action on the floor with his amazing scoring and rebounding ability.  So dedicated to his craft as a basketball player, Sikma passed on the starring role in T.J. Hooker during the mid-80’s.  Feathered look seen here led to a fired stylist and the historic birth of the perm.

SF – Fred Roberts, 6’6, killer flat-top 
–  Responsible for putting the popular serial killer look on the
map in Milwaukee, Roberts led the league in most missed lay-ups that
translated into follow-up dunks — we call this an amazingly skilled,
gifted passer.  This Bucks legend would only enhance our dream team’s already overwhelming athleticism.  Once famously sliced Karl Malone’s neck with his
flat-top going for a loose ball during a summer league scrimmage.  Later went on to star briefly on Seinfeld as Feldman, the bizarro Kramer.  The picture of him here is amazingly the only picture of Fred that can be found on the internet and unfortunately he appears to be in a mad scramble for the ball with frisky Knick defender Eddie Lee Wilkins.

SG – World B. Free  –  No description needed, he changed his name to World B. Free!

PG – Mike Gminski, 7’1, 235 lbs.
  –  He may be getting rejected on his playing card, but he will not be
rejected from our Dream Team.  Big Mike was responsible for the Nets storied run in
the 80’s and ultimately their demise when he arrogantly left for Philly, leading them to multiple first round clashes with the Cavs.  Many in the tri-state
still discuss his legendary trips to the Jersey shore where he’d walk
into a bar with that giant caveman beard and walk out five minutes later with 16 gushing
guidettes dangling from his hairy back and shoulders.

Weapons off the bench
–  Uwe Blab, Joe Kleine, Greg Kite and Brian Quinett.

1990’s NBA Dream Team to follow…