Sports Hernia Blog

The 1980’s NBA Dream Team

Inspired by Sports Illustrated’s running piece on Dream Teams, the NBA specifically, we decided to create dream team’s of our own, breaking it down by decade, starting with the All 1980’s Team.

Important note: intangibles are just important as any statistic.

1980’s NBA Dream Team

C – Manute Bol, 8’9, 103lbs.
–  Honored for redefining the center position forever, Bol’s ability to block shots, alter shots, hoof kick shots, and spot up from three at any given moment makes this pick easy.  Ability to dunk his own balls and elaborate locker room pranks are an added plus.

PF – Jack Sikma, 6’10, flawless perm 
–  The man behind the perm and early inductee into the Hernia Hall of Fame, Sikma was one of the original studs that put female’s asses in the seats and forced them to care about not only the action in his pants, but the action on the floor with his amazing scoring and rebounding ability.  So dedicated to his craft as a basketball player, Sikma passed on the starring role in T.J. Hooker during the mid-80’s.  Feathered look seen here led to a fired stylist and the historic birth of the perm.

SF – Fred Roberts, 6’6, killer flat-top 
–  Responsible for putting the popular serial killer look on the
map in Milwaukee, Roberts led the league in most missed lay-ups that
translated into follow-up dunks — we call this an amazingly skilled,
gifted passer.  This Bucks legend would only enhance our dream team’s already overwhelming athleticism.  Once famously sliced Karl Malone’s neck with his
flat-top going for a loose ball during a summer league scrimmage.  Later went on to star briefly on Seinfeld as Feldman, the bizarro Kramer.  The picture of him here is amazingly the only picture of Fred that can be found on the internet and unfortunately he appears to be in a mad scramble for the ball with frisky Knick defender Eddie Lee Wilkins.

SG – World B. Free  –  No description needed, he changed his name to World B. Free!

PG – Mike Gminski, 7’1, 235 lbs.
  –  He may be getting rejected on his playing card, but he will not be
rejected from our Dream Team.  Big Mike was responsible for the Nets storied run in
the 80’s and ultimately their demise when he arrogantly left for Philly, leading them to multiple first round clashes with the Cavs.  Many in the tri-state
still discuss his legendary trips to the Jersey shore where he’d walk
into a bar with that giant caveman beard and walk out five minutes later with 16 gushing
guidettes dangling from his hairy back and shoulders.

Weapons off the bench
–  Uwe Blab, Joe Kleine, Greg Kite and Brian Quinett.

1990’s NBA Dream Team to follow…


  1. JohnnyDo

    August 17, 2007 at 5:47 am

    That Gminski card is simply unreal. Card company got one shot of the G-Man and just said screw it.

    Love it.

  2. Heinz

    August 17, 2007 at 8:12 am

    We here in Germany feel honoured in seeing Uwe Blab mentioned, undeservedly outshined by Detlef Schrempf in the 1980’s (as well as Christian Welp and Henrik R?dl have been).

  3. Jon

    August 17, 2007 at 3:14 pm

    Where the F is Rambis??

  4. saucy

    August 17, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    Manute Bol looks like he’s about to start flapping his knees to take flight…

  5. Sean Sample

    August 18, 2007 at 2:34 am

    Any list like this should include Mike Smrek, not just for the name, but as the last guy on the Lakers bench for the entire 80’s.

  6. michael jones

    August 18, 2007 at 7:42 am

    A great post! The NBA dream team is something like a legend. There are many kinds of sports but my favourite one is exacly basketball. A magic game!

  7. SportSavvy

    August 19, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    Sheer genius! I would definitely have to say, my favorite is the killer flat top. Keep up the great work!

  8. A to the L

    August 19, 2007 at 10:34 pm

    Kite is a must. What about Jerry Schisting (sp?) though.

    Or Rory Sparrow?

    Or Brad Sellers?

    Or Paul Mowkeski?

    Or Dave Corzine?

    Or Sedale Threat?

    This list could run for days…

  9. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    August 26, 2007 at 2:31 pm

    Wonderful, wonderful

    One story about Uwe Blab: Renzo Vecchiato, a former italian national team member, in an article I read revealed that when Italy had to play Germany he couldn’t guard Blab because his breath was unbearable… no kidding… the first player to use smell as a weapon deserved a mention in the Sportshernia Dream Team

    He must have eaten those ugly german wurstels before the game, or maybe during timeouts they were giving the players sauerkraut instead of Gatorade

  10. Farah

    October 2, 2007 at 4:09 am

    This is a good information, that helped me to do my assignment..thank you..

  11. Sam Smith

    July 15, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    Fred Roberts is a god. Look back at what he did to the championship Bulls with a shorthanded Bucks team in the playoffs. Jack Sikma was the first 3-pt shooting big man and World B. Free is smooth as shite. I don’t know who came up with this list but my guess is they aren’t ballers.

  12. TheSportsHernia

    July 15, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    Fred Roberts was a god on the dance floor, this much is true.

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