Sports Hernia Blog

Things for Moose to do while sitting on the bench

Mike_mussina
Moose’s season has been even crappier than this attempt at an "action shot" baseball card.

Yankees happy-go-lucky pitcher Mike Mussina has been relegated to a bench role, thus inspiring a quick list of things the cranky-ass pitcher can do to pass the time.

  • Pluck sideburns
  • Hold Joba’s spit cup
  • Fondle Wang
  • Encourage Torre to yank Wang
  • Pick Torre’s nose
  • Comb Ron Guidry’s mustache
  • Watch Mattingly’s mustache grow back
  • Get 3rd haircut of the week
  • Pre-hump all of A-Rod’s bats
  • Feed Shelley Duncan razor blades
  • Place a whoopie cushion under Bob Sheppard’s chair
  • Question Andy Pettitte on what it is like to get outs
  • Maintain his "I definitely smell rotten ass" facial expression
  • Complain about the temperature of his Poland Spring water
  • Apply coats of hair cement to Giambi every other inning
  • Sacrifice his forearms for the sake of a good Shelley Duncan celebration
  • Complain about lack of run support even though his ERA is over 20
  • Hang out in the parking lot and throw random people under the bus
  • Work on some Quantum Physics problems, since he is so smart and went to
    Stanford
  • Add up the number of games he has cost the Yankees in the past month and play that number in the lottery

12 Comments

  1. THE JUICE

    August 29, 2007 at 3:01 pm

    I HOPE HE GETS TRADED TO THE RED SOX

  2. Destro Nation

    August 29, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    I hope he let’s his hair grow out and stops shaving in protest of this benching

  3. Randy Cabbage

    August 29, 2007 at 3:18 pm

    He will be gushing with envy watching WANG perform

  4. Captain Louis Albano

    August 29, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    I’ll crush the khaki wearing pretty boy.

  5. Captain Louis Albano

    August 29, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    I’ll make him eat rubberbands

  6. Captain Louis Albano

    August 29, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    I’ll piledrive him into a pile of diplomas and PHD’s

  7. Bobo

    August 29, 2007 at 5:19 pm

    Hey Albano, you and Moose can both jump off a bridge for all I care, you look ridiculous with those rubberbands in your face.

  8. allonthefield

    August 30, 2007 at 9:28 am

    Write his Hall of Fame plaque. <<

  9. Ted DiBiase

    August 30, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    He looks like he’s doing a reeeeally bad Godfather impersonation in that picture. That or he has a f’ing claw.

    What a possessed homo.

  10. Chuck K.

    August 31, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    all these comments are spoken like true Yankee fans. bunch of fair weather pricks.

  11. John Fitzgerald

    August 31, 2007 at 1:07 pm

    It would be harder to take if it was about Pettitte or someone like that, but Moose has been a selfish player during his tenure in New York, rarely if ever taking the blame, throwing the offense under the bus more than a few times… so it’s easy to pick on him.

    If he was gone yesterday, no one would care.

    I think he’s acknowledged the fans once in his 6 years as a Yank.

    The post is spot on.

  12. Rob Cap

    June 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    Funny but Moose will be in the Hall of Fame and WANG wont. Ha HA! Lets Go Moose #35

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