Sports Hernia Blog

Things for Moose to do while sitting on the bench

Moose’s season has been even crappier than this attempt at an "action shot" baseball card.

Yankees happy-go-lucky pitcher Mike Mussina has been relegated to a bench role, thus inspiring a quick list of things the cranky-ass pitcher can do to pass the time.

  • Pluck sideburns
  • Hold Joba’s spit cup
  • Fondle Wang
  • Encourage Torre to yank Wang
  • Pick Torre’s nose
  • Comb Ron Guidry’s mustache
  • Watch Mattingly’s mustache grow back
  • Get 3rd haircut of the week
  • Pre-hump all of A-Rod’s bats
  • Feed Shelley Duncan razor blades
  • Place a whoopie cushion under Bob Sheppard’s chair
  • Question Andy Pettitte on what it is like to get outs
  • Maintain his "I definitely smell rotten ass" facial expression
  • Complain about the temperature of his Poland Spring water
  • Apply coats of hair cement to Giambi every other inning
  • Sacrifice his forearms for the sake of a good Shelley Duncan celebration
  • Complain about lack of run support even though his ERA is over 20
  • Hang out in the parking lot and throw random people under the bus
  • Work on some Quantum Physics problems, since he is so smart and went to
  • Add up the number of games he has cost the Yankees in the past month and play that number in the lottery



    August 29, 2007 at 3:01 pm


  2. Destro Nation

    August 29, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    I hope he let’s his hair grow out and stops shaving in protest of this benching

  3. Randy Cabbage

    August 29, 2007 at 3:18 pm

    He will be gushing with envy watching WANG perform

  4. Captain Louis Albano

    August 29, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    I’ll crush the khaki wearing pretty boy.

  5. Captain Louis Albano

    August 29, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    I’ll make him eat rubberbands

  6. Captain Louis Albano

    August 29, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    I’ll piledrive him into a pile of diplomas and PHD’s

  7. Bobo

    August 29, 2007 at 5:19 pm

    Hey Albano, you and Moose can both jump off a bridge for all I care, you look ridiculous with those rubberbands in your face.

  8. allonthefield

    August 30, 2007 at 9:28 am

    Write his Hall of Fame plaque. <<

  9. Ted DiBiase

    August 30, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    He looks like he’s doing a reeeeally bad Godfather impersonation in that picture. That or he has a f’ing claw.

    What a possessed homo.

  10. Chuck K.

    August 31, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    all these comments are spoken like true Yankee fans. bunch of fair weather pricks.

  11. John Fitzgerald

    August 31, 2007 at 1:07 pm

    It would be harder to take if it was about Pettitte or someone like that, but Moose has been a selfish player during his tenure in New York, rarely if ever taking the blame, throwing the offense under the bus more than a few times… so it’s easy to pick on him.

    If he was gone yesterday, no one would care.

    I think he’s acknowledged the fans once in his 6 years as a Yank.

    The post is spot on.

  12. Rob Cap

    June 2, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    Funny but Moose will be in the Hall of Fame and WANG wont. Ha HA! Lets Go Moose #35

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