Sports Hernia Blog

Mark Cuban dances, scares people

Mark Cuban’s debut on Dancing with the Stars Tuesday night left many thirsting for more as he sang along to the song he danced to while flashing devastating moves and the more than occasional flash-of-the-tongue, seemingly paying tribute to a drunk, white, unathletic, frat-boy version of Michael Jordan.  Take a look at the recap.

No, this is not a fraternity formal and no, they’re not blasting "Sweet Home Alabama," but one thing is certain here, this hungry fella is ready to take it home.  It’s quite possible he’s channeling a unique version of Warren from There’s Something About Mary, or a fat 40-year Old Virgin, or maybe a life-like version of an extremely wired and famished Heathcliff.  Either way, bravo, the man was simply born to be bad.

Cuban takes it up a notch here with the creepy juice as the psychotic drunk look clearly wasn’t enough.  Sans yellow hat, Cuban does his best imitation of The Mask, and to tell you the truth, no hat, no mask, who cares — he  is the Mask here; with a splash of Ace Ventura and his signature swiveling hips move.

Ah yes, the finisher, everyone has their patented finishing move.  Jordan has the fist pump, Jeter has the fist pump, Tiger has the fist pump, Kobe has Jordan’s fist pump, actually, everyone has the fist pump.  But Cuban, always looking to carve his own niche, opts for a Peter Pan "swirling wind machete kick" to finish off his partner, perhaps a much gentler version of Ryu during his vicious days in Street Fighter.


  1. gerrard sir hornypants

    September 25, 2007 at 10:35 pm

    how are there no strings holding him up in that last picture? that is completely impossible.

  2. Ralph Wiggam

    September 25, 2007 at 10:41 pm

    Yeah, that’s unpossible.

  3. Marv

    September 26, 2007 at 1:26 am

    He IS Eddie Munster!

  4. Peeps Bilko

    September 26, 2007 at 11:02 am

    That last picture is being framed and put on my wall, such artistry…

  5. Mike

    September 26, 2007 at 11:47 am

    That was totally disturbing, but I couldn’t stop reading.
    I wonder how drunk he was?

  6. Blabs

    September 26, 2007 at 11:51 am

    The last picture really is right out of Mortal Combat or Tekken or any of those fighting games, right down to the outfits. Amazing.

  7. Captain Stewie Albano

    September 26, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    That dude has 500 different faces.

    The first shot looks like he should have a bar of soap shoved in his mouth with one hand cuffed to a pole while convulsing and trying to grab at people

  8. DougOLis

    September 26, 2007 at 6:25 pm

    Does anyone think he looks like Bill Simmons in the first picture?

  9. Red Nalooz

    September 27, 2007 at 9:57 am

    Cuban has ups, and the guy is actually a decent athlete. (He used to play pick up basketball at the Premier Club in Dallas all the time, back when he was only kind of rich.) And to be doing this after a recent hip replacement? Give him some credit.

  10. Cuban inside video game

    September 27, 2007 at 10:55 am

    This is amazing, check out what they did to the third image. It’s a work of art.

  11. Phil Watts

    September 27, 2007 at 9:06 pm

    Haha, Mark Cuban has so many looks. You can’t question what he’s up to next. He runs onto the basketball court straight to the dance floor.

    Guys, vote on Cuban’s best pictures on Spock:

  12. nelson mandela

    November 17, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    Who is this awfull idiot? He looks like some type of low life insider trader who get rich trading off information he should know better to leave alone!!!
    Someone give this man a kick up the arse. Is he dancing with a star or is he actually trying to piss off the public with his revolting vulgar moves. What a twat!

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