Sports Hernia Blog

Mark Cuban dances, scares people

Mark Cuban’s debut on Dancing with the Stars Tuesday night left many thirsting for more as he sang along to the song he danced to while flashing devastating moves and the more than occasional flash-of-the-tongue, seemingly paying tribute to a drunk, white, unathletic, frat-boy version of Michael Jordan.  Take a look at the recap.

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No, this is not a fraternity formal and no, they’re not blasting "Sweet Home Alabama," but one thing is certain here, this hungry fella is ready to take it home.  It’s quite possible he’s channeling a unique version of Warren from There’s Something About Mary, or a fat 40-year Old Virgin, or maybe a life-like version of an extremely wired and famished Heathcliff.  Either way, bravo, the man was simply born to be bad.

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Cuban takes it up a notch here with the creepy juice as the psychotic drunk look clearly wasn’t enough.  Sans yellow hat, Cuban does his best imitation of The Mask, and to tell you the truth, no hat, no mask, who cares — he  is the Mask here; with a splash of Ace Ventura and his signature swiveling hips move.

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Ah yes, the finisher, everyone has their patented finishing move.  Jordan has the fist pump, Jeter has the fist pump, Tiger has the fist pump, Kobe has Jordan’s fist pump, actually, everyone has the fist pump.  But Cuban, always looking to carve his own niche, opts for a Peter Pan "swirling wind machete kick" to finish off his partner, perhaps a much gentler version of Ryu during his vicious days in Street Fighter.

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