Sports Hernia Blog

Milton Bradley joins elite list of “guys who hate what they’re remembered for”

In one fell swoop yesterday Milton Bradley managed to confirm both highly-publicized
knocks against him, and did so in spectacular fashion.  One being that he’s constantly injured and the other that he’s a raging nonsensical time bomb capable of exploding all-up-on-your-shit at any given moment.  Only a Bradley/umpire face-off could end with someone being carried off the field like he had just been given a devastating figure-four leglock from Ric Flair in his prime.

By tearing his ACL and ending his season just days before a potential playoff run, Bradley joined an exclusive club of clowns who’ve missed some playing time in less than admirable fashion.  Here’s a look at some of the memorable ones.

1988:  Todd Marinovich tears his confidence after Marv Marinovich looks him square in the eye.

1992:  David Justice accidentally bunts using Rafael Belliard as a bat; Braves miniature second baseman misses 3 months.

1994:  Dikembe Mutombo misses 8 games due to exhaustion after swatting a
record 12 straight shots with his own dong, eventually leaving the game early to a standing ovation.

1996:  Roberto Alomar scratches cornea after his own magic loogie circles around his head, eventually hitting him directly in the eye.  Many claim that same loogie later returned during his first at-bat as a Met, permanently scarring his mental psyche forever.

1999:  Tony LaRussa’s high horse gets pelted with a bee-bee gun on it’s way to the mound; horse flips out, LaRussa falls off the back and gets dragged to the warning track by his feet.  Dummy with wig, glasses and a ton of Cardinals gear replaces LaRussa for remainder of season.

2000: Deion Sanders foolishly argues call with referee Ed Hochuli.  Bear-like ref literally kicks him out of the stadium; Sanders never plays corner the same again.

2001:  Kicker Bill Gramatica tears his ACL while celebrating a field goal; gone for the year (seriously).

2006:  Roger Clemens strains wrist trying to Google himself.

2006:  Robbie Gould suffers a herniated disc and broken back after taking
vicious towel slap to the buttocks from Brian Urlacher; misses 15 games.

2007:  David Wells tears unknown ass muscle while reading Trucker Monthly and taking an impressive dump.

This morning:  T.O. strains oblique muscle while doing nude sit-ups in front of a chagrined Tony Romo.

10 minutes ago:  Rickey Henderson jumps out of the stands
during son’s little league game and steals every base including home
before dislocating his pinky on a violent high five with teenage umpire.