Sports Hernia Blog

Favre attacked and sodomized by mob of reporters, out indefinitely

The nation wide circle jerk continued late Sunday afternoon as an exuberant mob of football reporters and analysts attacked and sodomized Brett Favre outside the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, putting the revived quarterback’s consecutive game streak and undefeated season in immediate jeopardy.

"It was awful man," said a reporter who only gets riled up by women.  "First I see these guys throwing elbows at the food spread and then word gets out that Favre is leaving for the player’s lot, and they all just take off like a horny herd of wild dogs.  It was filthy."

Things were reportedly in control initially, with the exception of the occasional violent butt slap and overly aggressive hug, until a few reporters began pestering Favre to make an appearance at their bachelor parties as ‘entertainment.’  Favre, clearly frightened by the multiple requests, attempted to escape the pocket of reporters but was easily chased down by the surprisingly fleet-footed mob, eventually getting pinned down thanks to an atomic splash by a heavy-set member of the group.

Once police finally arrived, the mob scene was sustained until one officer, apparently taken by the moment, shouted, "come on Brett, show me hairy chest! Show me hairy chest!!"

When Favre didn’t comply, the officer grabbed through his shirt and ripped out some of the QB’s chest hair and flesh.  The injury has prevented everyone’s favorite man-crush from throwing and is now listed as "out indefinitely."

One Comment

  1. Chris Berman's Attacking Chins

    October 1, 2007 at 10:14 pm

    Brett Favre’s calves remind me of giant Bratwurst.

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