Sports Hernia Blog

Haywood sneak attacks Thomas in hospital

Brendan_haywood_etan_thomas_4
The infamous rivalry between Etan Thomas and Brandon Haywood escalated to a new levels this week when Haywood surprised Thomas at a Washington D.C. hospital.

Haywood ambushed Thomas, who was at the hospital to undergo open-heart surgery, inside the OR moments before the anesthesiologist was to put Thomas under.

Sources said that Haywood went as far as to admit himself into the hospital, faking an appendectomy so he could get close to his bitter rival Thomas.   

"If anyone’s going to take him down, it’s going to be me," Haywood said.

Even with a leak in the aortic valve of his heart, Thomas sprung to action at the site of Haywood.  The two ballers clasped hands and jabbed at each other, just like in Michael Jackson’s "Beat It" video.  But instead of colorful leather jackets and switchblades, Thomas and Haywood were clad in hospital gowns and jabbed scalpels at each other.

Thomas struck first, slicing Haywood’s arm with the scalpel.  Reeling back in pain, Haywood grabbed two defibrillator panels, charged them up and exploded Thomas in the chest, launching the big man
through the OR window and into the hallway.

A crowd of interns and nurses hastily gathered around Thomas to see if he was alright.  Thomas quickly threw all of them off of him before jumping into a free wheelchair and racing down the hallway.

Haywood emerged from the OR with fire in his dark eyes.  Licking the blood off his own arm, Haywood kicked an old lady out of her wheelchair and spun after Thomas, immediately catching up to him and, with his impressive reach, gave him a vicious noogie that distracted both men from the sharp turn ahead, sending the mediocre centers directly into a concrete wall.

Thomas is expected to be out at least two months while Haywood is day-to-day.

*****
A look at the embattled history of these two:

Etan Thomas-Brendan Haywood rivalry almost approaching meaningful status

Ostertag shuttled to Washington to mediate crappy center battle

6 Comments

  1. Marv

    October 11, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    These two are like if the Joker and Batman were forced to be on the same debate team.

  2. JT

    October 11, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    Hilarious:

    “Reeling back in pain, Haywood grabbed two defibrillator panels, charged them up and exploded Thomas in the chest, launching the big man through the OR window and into the hallway.”

  3. Von Kaiser

    October 11, 2007 at 10:36 pm

    Genius.

  4. The Nugg Doctor

    October 11, 2007 at 11:25 pm

    Pure hatred. Pure enjoyment!

  5. gerrard sir hornypants

    October 12, 2007 at 10:41 am

    how have they NOT developed a cartoon based on these guys? they are the next Itchy & Scratchy

  6. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    October 12, 2007 at 6:59 pm

    was the “old lady on the wheelchair” the third Wizards center?

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