Sports Hernia Blog

Hulk Hogan takes lead from Marion Jones, returns championship belts

Jose Luis Rivera’s day, albeit a bit late, has finally come.

Clearly inspired by Marion Jones admission to taking steroids, 14-time world Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan returned his title belts to the WWF offices in Connecticut today, suddenly making Jose Luis Rivera, the only known living wrestler to have never experimented with steroids and ironically the only wrestler never to record a victory, the new 14-time Heavyweight Champion of the World.

In what’s expected to be a massive fallout in the wrestling world following Hogan’s admission, Macho Man Savage, The Ultimate Warrior and 63 other WWF wrestlers are expected to admit the use of steroids in the late 80s and early 90s, which will only add to Jose Luis Rivera’s suddenly lavish collection of title belts.

As of this morning, Rivera was also awarded the Intercontinental belt, the Tag Team belts (along with the gritty Iron Mike Sharpe) and was named the winner of 19 different battle royals.

"It’s only right brother," said Hogan while his assistant spray-tanned him.  "I mean, I saw that guy Jones up there and he was so honest and heartfelt.  I got inspired.  Although I probably did win those belts fair and square since it was completely scripted that way, it still feels good to do."

Hogan will not face much of a penalty but has been ordered by a Tampa judge to wear Rasheed Wallace’s embarrassing plastic belt for two straight weeks.