- Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
- Clyde McFly argues over an eggplant, a peach and a smiley face
- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
- LeBron’s Wild Hairline Fits Larry O’Brien Trophy … and a Chew Toy
- “Danny Farts Ball” Video Has 500K Views
- The Boston Globe Has Officially Stopped Giving A Shit
NFL Draft Day changes
- Updated: October 24, 2007
(NEW YORK, NY) — The NFL announced some major changes to the Draft in 2008. Here’s a closer look at some of the more intriguing ones:
-Everyone in attendance given Jets Fan vaccine
-Players drafted must first get past a waiting Mel Kiper Jr. in the aisle, before collecting their jersey and shaking hands with the commissioner (similar to American Gladiators "Breakthrough and Conquer" event).
-Matt Millen and Lions forced by league to use cbs.sportsline draft robot to make picks.
–Nelson from The Simpsons’ "Ha-ha!" to be played on loop to last player left in Green Room.
-John Clayton replaced with legendary muppet, Beaker.
-Philadelphia Eagles fans to be given very special, private suite on roof (near ledge).
-All in attendance must have awful mustache. If they can’t grow one, they must wear a fake one.
-Berman’s ranch sauce to be spiked with Red Bull
-All Jets picks to be announced by Paul Bearer (includes all rounds)
-Commissioner no longer required to announce 1st round picks with giant cactus entrenched up ass.
-Keyshawn Johnson rule: Each year, a current player needs to praise his team’s picks and then get dropped by that team days later
-Ultra-realistic mock field in ESPN studio enlarged to spacious 8 x 10 feet
-GM’s and team officials no longer allowed to wear team beer-helmets at draft table