Sports Hernia Blog

NFL Draft Day changes

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(NEW YORK, NY) — The NFL announced some major changes to the Draft in 2008.  Here’s a closer look at some of the more intriguing ones:

-Everyone in attendance given Jets Fan vaccine

-Players drafted must first get past a waiting Mel Kiper Jr. in the aisle, before collecting their jersey and shaking hands with the commissioner (similar to American Gladiators "Breakthrough and Conquer" event).

-Matt Millen and Lions forced by league to use cbs.sportsline draft robot to make picks.

Nelson from The Simpsons’ "Ha-ha!" to be played on loop to last player left in Green Room.

-John Clayton replaced with legendary muppet, Beaker.

-Philadelphia Eagles fans to be given very special, private suite on roof (near ledge).

-All in attendance must have awful mustache.  If they can’t grow one, they must wear a fake one.

-Berman’s ranch sauce to be spiked with Red Bull

-All Jets picks to be announced by Paul Bearer (includes all rounds)

-Commissioner no longer required to announce 1st round picks with giant cactus entrenched up ass.

-Keyshawn Johnson rule: Each year, a current player needs to praise his team’s picks and then get dropped by that team days later

-Ultra-realistic mock field in ESPN studio enlarged to spacious 8 x 10 feet

-GM’s and team officials no longer allowed to wear team beer-helmets at draft table

3 Comments

  1. Russianator

    October 24, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    Those not wearing Jerseys and Face paint charged an additional 10%

  2. Gerrard Sir Hornypants

    October 24, 2007 at 4:32 pm

    HA! i think that might be enforced already though

    look at those poor souls sitting in front of that group

  3. ryan

    October 24, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    After getting past Mel Kiper in “Breakthrough and Conquer,” draftees must bust through a 4′ x 7′ portrait of Brady Quinn.

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