Sports Hernia Blog

Scott Proctor’s arm flees L.A. upon hearing Torre rumors


The tired right arm of Dodgers reliever Scott Proctor, who pitched 374 1/3 innings in half a season for the Yankees, fled it’s L.A. home yesterday upon hearing rumors of Joe Torre becoming the team’s next manager.  Proctor was reportedly sitting at home, enjoying the day outside with his children when he heard the news of Torre’s strong candidacy come across the radio.

As soon as the news registered in his brain, Proctor’s terrified arm ripped itself from the rest of his body and scampered down the street, eventually hopping on the back of a young man’s scooter while giving the bird to Proctor, who remained stunned on his front lawn with his mouth agape.

The whereabouts of Proctor’s arm is currently unknown but there have
been reports of a disembodied arm with a tattoo on it looking for work
down at the docks, while other conflicting reports have Proctor’s arm trying it’s hand at keeper for the L.A. Galaxy.

Despite the missing arm, Proctor’s value as a middle reliever is not expected to change.


  1. Shitiot

    October 30, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    I saw his arm get booted from Hyde last night, took three bouncers to get him out of there.

    He was one bitter, angry arm.

  2. Inferno

    October 31, 2007 at 12:37 am

    the arm was spotted in a white ford bronco evading police in a high speed car chase. who knows when it will give up.

  3. tamtam

    November 8, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    @ inferno: actually, the white bronco w/ proctor’s arm was involved in a LOW-speed chase toward the border. inside the car was $2000 in cash and passports

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