- Ode To Grantland
- Cris Collinsworth Has Actually ‘Seen Everything’
- Tom Brady Accidentally Wolfs Up During Court Room Sketch
- Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
- Clyde McFly Argues Over An Eggplant, A Peach And A Smiley Face
- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
Ahmad Rashad with the Pats punter: The first interview
- Updated: November 19, 2007
The Patriots low-profile punter (above) has clearly had oodles of time on his hands this season and since no one in the world wants to sit down and interview this guy, Ahmad Rashad was kind enough to settle his differences with us and return for another landmark interview, his first since we leaked his revealing interview with Barbaro last May.
Ahmad Rashad: So I’m sittin’ here with my maaaain man, the Pats Punter. What’s the best part about being the Pats punter?
Pats Punter: Tough question, right now I’d have to say getting free tickets to Pats games. Well, that and standing around, I love standing around.
AR: What’s the worst part?
PP: Um, good question. I’d probably have to say not ever entering a game is pretty big, and the fact that no one knows who the fuck I am. Yeah, those two stand out pretty good.
AR: That leads me to my next question, which people tend to ask me a lot. What is it exactly that you do anyway?
PP: Well Bill doesn’t have me dress for games anymore, so that means I can just wear a pair of sweats like him and hang out on the sideline, which is nice. I might wear all velour next week, and I’ve thought about getting into sideline reporting too. I’ve also been known to hang out in people’s kitchens and catch a predator or two.
AR: You mention Bill. Do ya’ like him? I like him, in fact, he’s my maaaain man, but do ya’ like him?
PP: Oh, Bill’s a great guy. He’s actually really nice, he gave me the game off against the Jets, he said ‘no need to worry’ and that I can watch the game from home with my buddies. We’re probably getting a few kegs if everyone chips in.
AR: Speaking of sitting around, what’s it like sitting there doin’ nothin’, do you like it? Tell me, do ya’ like it?
PP: Well I spend a lot of time in the locker room Tivo’ing stuff for Brady, Moss and Seau. But between me and you, I also spend time trying to fish numbers out of their cells, especially Brady’s, but that beaver-archerer always remembers to lock his keypad; the prick.
AR: Do you ever get Brady’s scraps? Or the scraps left after the first set of scraps? Or the fat off the last set of scraps? I used to get my maaaain man Michael’s scraps, and I mean the bad scraps, like 13th generation kind-of-scraps.
PP: Dude, I ride coach on the team plane. If I got to sniff the panties of a chick Tommy banged, I’d be lucky. But you got issues dude, 13th generation scraps sound like a bust to me.
AR: Ok, let’s play word association. Jim Sorgi?
AR: Pats punter?
PP: Ugh, I have a name… ok fine, "bored-er."
AR: Sean Landetta?
AR: Ray Finkle?
AR: Reggie Roby?
AR: Ahmad Rashad?
PP: Annoying.. Stupid.. Douchey.. Idio..(interrupted)
AR: One word will suffice there PP, and that doesn’t stand for Puddin’ Pop!
AR: Finally, my maaaain man PP, do ya’ like stuff?
A look back: Ahmad Rashad & Barbaro: The lost interview