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Study: 83% of all “Terrible Towels” eventually used as jizzrags
- Updated: November 24, 2007
(PITTSBURGH, PA) — A recent study out of the University of Pittsburgh has found that a whopping 83% of all Pittsburgh Steelers "Terrible Towels" eventually end up being used as a jizzrag, before finally being tossed aside into the garbage.
It is not known what the average lifespan of an "unsoiled" towel is before it gets violated with copious amounts of man-goop, but researchers believe it’s somewhere in the vicinity of 3 1/2 hours to 3 1/2 weeks — depending upon such factors as the outcome of a game or the ratio of Ben Roethlisberger Fatheads to the amount of rooms in one’s house.
The study also found that 8% of the towels were used as a source of cleaning wing sauce from people’s faces and chest hair, while another 5% were immediately used as ‘barf wipes’ during the game. A full 98% were used to whip the ass of an acquaintance on the walk from Heinz Field to the car.