Sports Hernia Blog

Study: 83% of all “Terrible Towels” eventually used as jizzrags

Randy Beefsmith rumbles home in a frenzy carrying two soon-to-be-soiled Steeler jizzrags.

(PITTSBURGH, PA) — A recent study out of the University of Pittsburgh has found that a whopping 83% of all Pittsburgh Steelers "Terrible Towels" eventually end up being used as a jizzrag, before finally being tossed aside into the garbage. 

It is not known what the average lifespan of an "unsoiled" towel is before it gets violated with copious amounts of man-goop, but researchers believe it’s somewhere in the vicinity of 3 1/2 hours to 3 1/2 weeks — depending upon such factors as the outcome of a game or the ratio of Ben Roethlisberger Fatheads to the amount of rooms in one’s house.

The study also found that 8% of the towels were used as a source of cleaning wing sauce from people’s faces and chest hair, while another 5% were immediately used as ‘barf wipes’ during the game.  A full 98% were used to whip the ass of an acquaintance on the walk from Heinz Field to the car.


  1. Sportaphile

    November 24, 2007 at 3:02 pm


    funny and disgusting all at the same time.

  2. jprez

    November 24, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    Oh man, hilarious.

  3. educatedbet

    November 25, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Youins are hilarious. He looks like Will Ferrel, streaking through the quad.

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