Sports Hernia Blog

TNT’s addition of Captain Mauser creates first All-Toupee team

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A very trim and fit Mauser (center) was well-behaved during his first broadcast.

Tuesday night’s Spurs-Blazers game marked the start of the 19-month NBA season but more importantly the debut of TNT’s first ever "All-Toupee" team.  Longtime hoops broadcasting staples Mike Fratello and Marv Albert welcomed 80’s movie star and bad-toupee wearer Captain Mauser to the booth where the new trio proved to be a hit.

Mauser, admirably replacing Reggie Miller after the former Pacers guard refused to don a hairpiece, made a smooth transition during live play and even added a new wrinkle to the booth.  Since it’s an all toupee-wearing team, live shots of the guys during halftime included a hilarious toupee swap, where all three roadkill rugs would jump off and switch heads while the three men discussed and analyzed first half action.

At one point the dead cat wigs collided in mid-air causing all three to land atop Marv’s head, who miraculously continued on with his challenge to Fratello, daring his buddy to hit the bald spot on Manu Ginnobli’s head with his infamous telestrater pen.

A perplexed Fratello, unsure of the sincerity, asked Marv if he was
serious, prompting him to shout his signature "Yes!" which was
quickly followed by Mauser and his catchy "Yowsi Yowser!" jingle, sending the production crew into a tizzy.   

It seemed Albert did not agree with Mauser’s attempt at a catch phrase as he proceeded to needle the former police captain, pointing out various pranks pulled on him by Guttenberg and company, including the time in Miami when a sunblock "DORK" tattoo was placed on his chest.

Mauser ignored the comments, instead criticizing some of the younger big men in the game, repeatedly comparing them to his old buddy High Tower.

*****

Until Tuesday night, Captain Mauser hadn’t been seen on the big screen, or even the small screen for that matter, since these earth shattering cinematic moments. 

Also worth noting — Mauser is actually just a Lieutenant, but it was always his dream to become Captain.

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