Sports Hernia Blog

Undertaker to attend final game if Pats make it to 15-0

The WWE announced today that legendary wrestler The Undertaker will be in attendance for the New England Patriots’ last game of the season if they make it to 15-0, which would match his current and widely respected perfect record at WrestleMania.

Despite recently being passed over in favor of Tom Brady as Calvin Klein’s celebrity underwear model, the Lord of Darkness delivered an expectedly eery press conference from hell, even sending a not-so-veiled threat to members of the undefeated ’72 Dolphins team.

"The dark overlords have told me they’ll make it to 15-0," said the affable dead man from Death Valley, with longtime manager and usher of doom Paul Bearer stroking an urn nearby. 

"Ooooohhhh, eeewwwwwwwahhh!!!!" the outrageous Bearer added as he did several times throughout the Undertaker’s statement.

"I fully expect them and the entire world to be watching when I go to 16-0 at WrestleMania this year," the Undertaker continued, "So why not return the favor a little early?  As for those Dolphins, streaks need to be respected.  If I hear as much as a peep out of any of those guys, they will be on the dark end of a Tombstone Piledriver, each and every one of ’em.  That includes you Shula, I don’t care how old ya’ are.

‘Taker went on to praise the Pats for their dominance this season and even said he’d "like to hang" with Tom Brady one day.

According to sources close to both Paul Bearer and Bill Belichick, if the Patriots make it to 15-0, the team has agreed to let Bearer lead the team out of the tunnel for the final game. 

The Undertaker’s brother Kane, depending on whether he’s alive or not that week, will also be in attendance.

One Comment

  1. izzy

    November 19, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    If I ever saw Paul Bearer leading a football team out of the tunnel my life would be complete

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