New York hair scare

Until yesterday, A-Rod had long been considered the self-encouraged, over-the-top glamour boy of baseball with his ridiculous Jersey Shore frosted tips atop his always freshly bronzed head.

But this week David Wright launched a full blow-out attack on his crosstown rival, rocking an arrogant fauxhawk that would make even Jonathan Antin blush.  Doused with multiple hair products, Wright is basically telling ladies in the Tri-State area – and the world for that matter – that all bets are off and the days of the squeaky-clean, squeaky-voiced nice guy from Virginia may be gone forever.

This new battle of hair at the very least should help get both teams back into a rivalry that hasn’t been meaningful since the 2000 World Series.  Players from both sides chimed in on the new look:

"Wright’s new fauxhawk is perfect since the Mets were faux division champs in ’07," said first baseman Jason Giambi while making sure his hair was sopping wet.

"I love the fauxhawk, it gives me another reason to dance, see?" yelled Jose Reyes as he began a feverish dance while players broke out maracas and cheered him on.

"Who are you, Karim Garcia," said a confused Pedro Martinez.

"Great, guess I’ll be breaking out my unfrozen caveman lawyer look again," said Johnny Damon while doing naked pull-ups.

"What the f**k is a fauxhawk anyway, can you hunt it?" asked Kyle Farnsworth, fresh from the weight room.

"We love A-Rod’s bat humping, but if David tries to one-up him with a glove hump, that would just be creepy," said Hideki Matsui through a translator during a "slow" part of his latest Tera Patrick feature.

6 Comments

1. 

   Hugging Harold Reynolds

   January 24, 2008 at 2:22 pm

   Jonathan Antin doesn’t blush, he cries.

   Reply
2. 

   Von Kaiser

   January 24, 2008 at 2:37 pm

   The Red Rooster is furious with David Wright.

   Reply
3. 

   Peter Vecsey

   January 24, 2008 at 2:41 pm

   My sources tell me that A-Rod’s frosted tips are not actually frosted, and that the beautiful glow you see in his hair is just a reflection from his strongly bronzed forehead.

   Reply
4. 

   jnr98

   January 24, 2008 at 3:52 pm

   Do you remember seeing Wright on Letterman (I think) soon after the season ended? His eyebrows were razor sharp, like he was just waxed/plucked/whatever. Scary. Major metrosexual, not that there is anything wrong with it.

   Reply
5. 

   jerseygirl

   January 25, 2008 at 2:03 am

   david wright would be good looking with any hair cut…

   Reply
6. 

   Keith Hernandez

   January 25, 2008 at 4:44 pm

   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a joke, I dare one of these ass heads to try and match my Mustache.

   Reply