Sports Hernia Blog

Super Bowl talk at your office


Following the conclusion of media day we head to the midpoint of the week and the final few days of work before we’re treated to 976 hours of insightful pregame talk, which will eventually be followed by the highly anticipated Super Bowl. 

This means each day the big game will get discussed more frequently and intently leading up to the weekend, and each day those conversations and exchanges will get increasingly annoying, or rewarding, depending on how retarded you are.

Here’s a look ahead at what you can expect.

"I tell you what, the Giants need to worry about Wes Welker more than Moss."
–Bill Englsby, CFO

"I have a few boxes at a couple of my neighborhood bars.  I’m hoping to cash in on at least one of them." –Chad Phillips, finance

"I hope there’s a 5-second delay on the halftime show!"
–Hadley Ellis, art director

"Who else is calling in sick Monday?  I’m getting fucking shithoused."
–Brad Porkfeller, sales

"I can’t wait for the commercials, they always crack me up."
–Beth Martoni, assistant account executive

"Hey, you guys hear Brady was walking around with a boot on his foot?  What was he doing in New York anyway? –Ted Linkletter, accounting

"Shockey and Eli both live in Hoboken.  I still haven’t seen them out though."
–Lisa Zampusso, copywriter

"Looking forward to a solid game called by Joe Buck.  You know his father was Jack Buck, right?" –Ed Stokes, marketing

"If the Giants stand any chance against Boston, they need to hit as many TDs as possible." –Ann Billingsly, senior consultant

"Fox should have the American Idol All-Stars at halftime instead of Todd Petty." –Monique Perez, eye candy

"I wonder how this recession is affecting the players." –Jesse Mack, business development

"I heard there will be like 27,967 pounds of pizza and 9,786 pounds of wings ordered on Sunday.  I know this because I don’t do shit all day." –Sally Pimpleton, administrative assistant

"Did you know that Superbowl Sunday is statistically the worst night of domestic abuse for the whole year?" –"Peppermint" Patty Dodder, account director

"I have a sweet batch of pot brownies, who wants to party?" –Rick Williams, intern

"Anyone have an extra plunger?" –John Bard, human resources   

"He’s my quarterback. (sniff sniff) He’s my quarterback." –Terry Owens, Pootie Tang inc.

"It’s going to be a tough game, but we’ve practiced hard and I think our team is ready." –Steve Young, concussed

"Anyone interested in my special Giant big game guacamole recipe?  I left it in the miscellaneous job folder on the company server.  Go Giants!"
–Netty McGinnis, accounts payable

"Have you heard the the New York football Jets actually play in New Jersey?"
–Ron Meer, human resources

"I am rooting for the Giants, even though Brady is soooo cute.  Eli seems like a sweet underdog, kind of like that nice boy I shot down at Cherry Red last Saturday." –Krissy Stinkrag, administrative assistant

"Hey, Cindy, you’re single, mind if I come over for the Super Bowl?  I have a funny feeling Rick is going to open a big can of domestic violence on my ass this Sunday." –Jessica Salerno, supply chain

"I think the key to the game will be if the Pats receivers get separation from the Giant secondary, and if the Pats receiver crack blocks seem to be wearing down the cover 2 schemes that the Giant execute.  That being said, a ground game focusing on zone gap blocking assignments by the pulling guard could strategically control the clock against the two gap style favored by the Belichick defense.  Should be a good game."
–Marty Cooper, junior accountant to a dazed and stunned Lori Reilly, senior accountant (3 weeks from retirement)

"Boston sucks." –Gino Manfretti, mail room dude


  1. Soy

    January 30, 2008 at 8:57 am

    Ok, one of us is lying, because I’d swear Steve Young works at MY office. I can tell it’s him because I have to dial his phone for him, or he starts prank-calling Dan Marino during the CBS pregame show.

  2. Von Kaiser

    January 30, 2008 at 10:39 am

    I hope someone asks me if I know whether Gisele is sitting in the stands or in a skybox for the game.

  3. Upstate Underdog

    January 30, 2008 at 11:27 am

    “Yankees suck.”
    -Kevin “Sully” Sullivan, Boston native/Janitor


    January 30, 2008 at 11:50 am



  5. jnr98

    January 30, 2008 at 12:18 pm

    “Didya hear, Eli’s brother, Peyton, won this last year?”
    – Howie Feltersnatch, Credit and Collections

    “Yeah, I heard that. And their dad, Archie, used to play, too, or something!”
    – Andy Lichterbusch, Interoffice Mail Engineer

  6. Soy

    January 30, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    “STEPHEN A. SMITH” above is an impostor. How can I tell? The real Screamin’ A wouldn’t need a caps lock; he’d simply yell at the keyboard and every letter would be capitalized.

  7. Stonehands

    January 30, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    Does Tom Brady shave his chest or wax it?
    — Allie Adams, whore

  8. Stephen A. Smithski

    January 30, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    In communist Russia, caps lock capitalizes you!

  9. Lance's Other Nut

    January 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    Boy, I really wish Brett Favre could have made it.
    -Becky Buttaface, stay at home mom

  10. Tina's Sexy Friend

    January 30, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    If the Patriots win this game, they’re officially a dynasty.
    — Jake Crotchkick, Boston Fan (who happens to live in Tennessee)

  11. saucy

    January 31, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    Dear Ed Stokes,

    Please shoot yourself.


  12. shawn

    February 1, 2008 at 9:53 am

    This website is a great way to take up a half hour of my work time.

  13. Aasipoie

    August 21, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Prevetik vsem kto ne spit

    Ja tuta nakladu a vi uberite pliz

  14. Alpha

    February 1, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    I know the Cowboys’ll win. F the Bears.

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