Sports Hernia Blog

Depressed Becks goes on dangerous binge

Beckham_shopping_bonanza_2In a stunning move sure to rock the soccer world, David Beckham was left off coach Fabio Capello’s first England soccer squad, leaving the star out of the team’s plans for their upcoming exhibition match against Switzerland.

Once the pride of England, the aging footballer was last seen in the midst of a dangerous spending binge of snakeskin Gucci jackets, Sun-In, racquetball boobs, Keebler cookies (since he’s part elf) and, of course, orange mocha frappachinos.

Becks was later seen at an upscale spa checking in for a full body wax and his customary seaweed fajita body wrap.  The worldly star also treated his wife-bot to several implants on parts of her body that were chosen at random.  They finished the wild spending spree at Dolce & Gabbana, where Becks nabbed Posh a pair of D&G’s new satellite dish sunglasses that gracefully covered her entire face and a portion of her torso.

A similar spending spree was witnessed after the 2006 World Cup when the Brazilian Ronaldo was left off Dunga’s roster and was never recalled.  The only difference is that Ronaldo went on an eating spree, strictly concentrating on Twinkies, corn dogs and small countries.


  1. JohnnyD

    February 1, 2008 at 8:32 am

    Not really a shocker:

    In a stunning move sure to rock the soccer world, David Beckham was left off coach Fabio Capello’s first England soccer squad

    But then again, nothing in this article was.

  2. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    February 1, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    I was shocked to see that guido (or Fabio? whatever) Capello left Beckham out

    it’s true that last time Beckham played a serious, full game (sorry, US league doesn’t count) was in Wilt Chamberlain’s rookie year but he did pretty well

    ok, maybe since then he could have lost a step, but c’mon, it’s England national team after all

    btw my sources told me that Dolce & Gabbana and Capello made a secret agreement and they give the coach 20% of what “Golden balls” spends in his ‘binges’ every time he’s left out of the team

    your usual italians…

  3. saucy

    February 5, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    is the category “Soccer” pretty much reserved for making fun of beckham?


  4. It’s always surprising when a player so recognized as Beckham is left out. But I’d like to recall that Fabio Capello is a coach that takes discipline really serious… so this may be a sign. Congratulations on the great blog. I’ll be back. Best.

  5. Aidan Jones

    April 18, 2008 at 1:29 am

    I think that Beckham is the most over rated player in soccer. If I was a coach I would have dropped him out of the team years ago.

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