Sports Hernia Blog

Depressed Becks goes on dangerous binge

Beckham_shopping_bonanza_2In a stunning move sure to rock the soccer world, David Beckham was left off coach Fabio Capello’s first England soccer squad, leaving the star out of the team’s plans for their upcoming exhibition match against Switzerland.

Once the pride of England, the aging footballer was last seen in the midst of a dangerous spending binge of snakeskin Gucci jackets, Sun-In, racquetball boobs, Keebler cookies (since he’s part elf) and, of course, orange mocha frappachinos.

Becks was later seen at an upscale spa checking in for a full body wax and his customary seaweed fajita body wrap.  The worldly star also treated his wife-bot to several implants on parts of her body that were chosen at random.  They finished the wild spending spree at Dolce & Gabbana, where Becks nabbed Posh a pair of D&G’s new satellite dish sunglasses that gracefully covered her entire face and a portion of her torso.

A similar spending spree was witnessed after the 2006 World Cup when the Brazilian Ronaldo was left off Dunga’s roster and was never recalled.  The only difference is that Ronaldo went on an eating spree, strictly concentrating on Twinkies, corn dogs and small countries.

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