Sports Hernia Blog

Reasons Pavano will likely miss entire 2008 season

We all know this story will be coming soon, so let’s just get it out of the way.

  • Bruised spirit
  • Hit in the head by stray Nerf ball
  • Case of photosensitivity
  • Reconstructive street clothes surgery
  • Got a new couch
  • Recovering from lasik
  • Shoelaces stuck in toilet again
  • Bruised bruises
  • Holding out for coveted Wonka tour
  • PogoBall incident
  • Accidentally put two PocketPak Breath Strips in his mouth at once
  • Started video game Pavano on Opening Day and left in the first with injury
  • Beach house with Matt Clement is just too much fun
  • Zimmer almost tackled him
  • Stood up too fast and got that weird head rush
  • Can’t seem to find that good hair day we all strive for
  • Fed himself to a giant plant
  • Steve Howe snorted him
  • Brain freeze via delicious snow cone
  • Busy playing army with John Larroquette
  • Accidentally got tied up in chains and thrown in Crystal Lake
  • Ruptured Dorsal nasal artery after learning the deadly "Torre nose pick"
  • Shattered pelvis after spending night with Alyssa Milano
  • Because his hat was pulled down too low, smacked his head on low-hanging tree branch


  1. Bonds n Clemens 4ever

    February 28, 2008 at 9:49 am

    you forgot he caught carpel tunnel from blogging on schillings’ 38pitches site.

  2. Upstate Underdog

    February 28, 2008 at 10:07 am

    I would add: bruised vagina and partying with Scott Spezio

  3. Von Kaiser

    February 28, 2008 at 10:11 am

    – Stuck inside Bases Loaded with the bases loaded

    – Busy filming “Who Wants to be My Agent?”

  4. Zen Wizard

    February 28, 2008 at 11:36 am

    I like the 1st Amendment as much as the next guy, but it should be illegal to say the phrase, “Dancing With the Stars” around this dude.

  5. Stonehands

    February 28, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    – Still shaken after crowd in Bases Loaded miraculously breaks from their programming and charges the mound.

  6. Soy

    February 28, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    – Dedicated all his time convincing the AMA to rename it to “Carl Pavano Surgery.”
    – Four words: Thelma and Louise Marathon.
    – Rehabbed for the wrong sport; came in 2nd in local nursing home’s cribbage tournament.
    – Sucks.

  7. jnr98

    February 29, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    Still recovering from appearing on Dr. 90210 to have a labiaplasty

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