Sports Hernia Blog

Shaq trade fallout…

Shaq_fu(PHOENIX, AZ) — The stunning trade of one-time freak of nature turned full-time boulder impersonator, Shaquille O’Neal, from the Heat to the Suns has left Western Conference GMs frantically searching for an answer to His Beefiness.  Here’s a look at some of the moves already made as well as some scintillating rumors…


– The Mavs have convinced Shawn Bradley to come out of retirement, but only under the condition he wears a Cobra-Kai headband

– Lakers have inked longtime journeyman and fan favorite, Treebeard, to 10-day contract

– The Hornets have signed Muggsy Bogues and attached him to the St. Louis Arch

– San Antonio has worked out an unknown giraffe playing on stilts

– Sources from Utah have confirmed the Jazz have signed one of the faces on Mt. Rushmore

– Warriors sign Brawny Paper Towel guy to 7-year deal

– Sonics exercise rights to Big Foot while the Mavs will likely retain the rights to Giant Gonzalez

– Denver inks the imposing and snow loving Wampa to a 10-year, 86 million dollar deal

– Rockets luring one of Ralph Sampson’s 9-foot legs out of retirement

– Grizzlies still after that bear who ate Timothy Treadwell

– Portland continues their miraculous make-over, putting the finishing touches on a 3-year deal with the Jolly Green Giant

– Clippers taking advantage of their Hollywood connections and meeting with Harry Henderson’s representatives as we speak

– Timberwolves to do nothing and like it

Note:  David Stern has granted Shaq permission to use roller skates while with the Suns.


  1. Stonehands

    February 6, 2008 at 9:43 pm

    Weird, I heard Sampson’s legs were being used as drum sticks for Muresan’s new metal band.

  2. Cinematically-Correct

    February 7, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    This just went across the wire as well:

    Dallas Mavericks sign Big Tex, official spokesman of the Texas State Fair.

  3. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    February 10, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    my guido sources say that Sixers are working on a stunning Manute Bol’s comeback, in a desperate attempt to improve their NBA-worst 3 pt shooting percentage

  4. Juan

    February 11, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    This was a last ditch effort for a team realizing it has missed all previous opportunities. The problem is that Shaq will hinder the Suns one true advantage the running game. Horrible trade.

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