Sports Hernia Blog

Ric Flair’s Hall of Fame induction ceremony: A future timeline


This past Monday the WWE announced that 16-time, that’s right 16-time world champion Ric Flair will be inducted into the company’s storied fake wrestling Hall of Fame.  The self-proclaimed dirtiest player in the game is reportedly already wearing giant aviator glasses and drinking champagne while at least 15 slags are said to be already riding "space mountain."

Here’s a look ahead at what will likely take place during the spine-tingling induction ceremony:

8:01pm – Confusion breaks out during opening ceremonies after, miraculously, 15 different Ultimate Warriors have RSVP’d.

8:02pm – Virgil interrupts the festivities to hand out bribery fliers in support of Ted DiBiase’s candidacy for the WWE Hall of Fame.

8:04pm – Flair’s dramatic introduction, written in iambic pentameter, is read by Leaping Lenny Poffo, aka The Poet.

8:07pm – Mr. Fuji shamelessly promotes new line of Fuji Salt in speech to Ric.

8:09pm – Slick salutes Flair from inside Grand Theft Auto game while flipping Fuji the bird.

8:10pm – Razor Ramon crushes Flair from behind with a steel chair just seconds after he takes the podium, leading everyone in the audience to get up off their steel chairs and crush the person next to them.  Everyone laughs.

8:11pm – The retired Hawk and Animal of The Road Warriors shock all in attendance by coming in street clothes and using their real names, Blair and Stan.

8:12pm – Sting arrives carrying a mysterious silver briefcase claiming to have mounds of video evidence revealing Flair to be nothing but a cheater.

8:14pm – Damien, longtime snake and friend of Jake Roberts, strangles KoKo B. Ware’s bird after incessant squawking.

8:15pm – Bird realizes Koko is dead and flies to the comforting shoulder of Terry Taylor, aka the Red Rooster.

8:19pm – Tempers flare as Jesse Ventura continues to call Tito Santana, "Chico Santana."  A loud "ooooooh" emanates from the crowd.

8:20pm – Flair sneaks in a gigantic "Whooo" among the overwhelming commotion. 

8:21pm – Flair, appearing to enjoy the surrounding chaos, begins dry humping the podium.

8:22pm – Adrian Adonis grabs the mic and suggests Flair’s hair should also be retired, all while making a pass at an aging Mean Gene.

8:24pm – Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake restores order and immediately shaves Adonis’ head.

8:27pm – Flair is given a respectful 3-minute standing ovation by everyone in the room, including his own flabby breasts.

8:29pm – Irwin R. Schyster is spotted handing out business cards since it is in fact, tax season.

8:31pm – Classy Freddie Blassie orders another round of Beefeater while continuing to pinch the ass of every passing waitress.

8:32pm – Flair and his closest comrades chug 100 beers, each one honoring a different wrestler who has passed away in the last year.

8:33pm – During closing ceremonies, Flair, now clearly sauced to the bejezuz, launches into tirade
over how he never was made into a G.I. Joe character, ending with "Screw you, Slaughter!  You too, Fridge!  Wooo!!  Woooo!!!!"


  1. Harvey

    February 21, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    Weren’t Hawk and Animal in Legion of Doom?

  2. Chuck

    February 21, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    when they were in the WCW they were called the road warriors, but in the WWF they were called the legion of doom… It was all copyright BS.

  3. ShooterMcGavin

    February 21, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    im pretty sure one of them is dead too….

  4. Von Kaiser

    February 21, 2008 at 7:30 pm

    It’s tough, maybe we can mix half of Demolition and half of the Road Warriors for that line.

    Jesus, evvvvveryone is dead.

  5. David Flair

    February 21, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    My alarm clock has a Flair cardboard flip-up, so every time it goes off, a cut-out of Flair like the one above, pops up and scares the fuck out of me, thus waking me up.

  6. That's a lot of potatoes!

    February 22, 2008 at 9:23 am

    8:35pm Ole and Arn Anderson give Flair proper head for giving them a career, while Tully Blanchard re-creates the Tony Montana mountain of coke scene on the podium.

  7. Upstate Underdog

    February 22, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    When does Rowdy Roddy Piper smash a coconut against Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka’s head ?

  8. Zen Wizard

    February 22, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    Are folding steel chairs at a Wrestling Hall of Fame ceremony really such a good idea?

    Wouldn’t bean bag chairs prevent a lot of unnecessary mayhem?

    Or better even yet–rent out a traditional Persian restaurant that doesn’t have chairs.

    The only danger there would be the high pouring tea ceremony. And the Iron Sheik disguised as a waiter, I guess…

  9. gerrard sir hornypants

    February 22, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    HA! Zen Wizard for threeeeeeee…. GOOD!

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