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Ric Flair’s Hall of Fame induction ceremony: A future timeline
- Updated: February 21, 2008
This past Monday the WWE announced that 16-time, that’s right 16-time world champion Ric Flair will be inducted into the company’s storied fake wrestling Hall of Fame. The self-proclaimed dirtiest player in the game is reportedly already wearing giant aviator glasses and drinking champagne while at least 15 slags are said to be already riding "space mountain."
Here’s a look ahead at what will likely take place during the spine-tingling induction ceremony:
8:01pm – Confusion breaks out during opening ceremonies after, miraculously, 15 different Ultimate Warriors have RSVP’d.
8:02pm – Virgil interrupts the festivities to hand out bribery fliers in support of Ted DiBiase’s candidacy for the WWE Hall of Fame.
8:04pm – Flair’s dramatic introduction, written in iambic pentameter, is read by Leaping Lenny Poffo, aka The Poet.
8:07pm – Mr. Fuji shamelessly promotes new line of Fuji Salt in speech to Ric.
8:09pm – Slick salutes Flair from inside Grand Theft Auto game while flipping Fuji the bird.
8:10pm – Razor Ramon crushes Flair from behind with a steel chair just seconds after he takes the podium, leading everyone in the audience to get up off their steel chairs and crush the person next to them. Everyone laughs.
8:11pm – The retired Hawk and Animal of The Road Warriors shock all in attendance by coming in street clothes and using their real names, Blair and Stan.
8:12pm – Sting arrives carrying a mysterious silver briefcase claiming to have mounds of video evidence revealing Flair to be nothing but a cheater.
8:14pm – Damien, longtime snake and friend of Jake Roberts, strangles KoKo B. Ware’s bird after incessant squawking.
8:15pm – Bird realizes Koko is dead and flies to the comforting shoulder of Terry Taylor, aka the Red Rooster.
8:19pm – Tempers flare as Jesse Ventura continues to call Tito Santana, "Chico Santana." A loud "ooooooh" emanates from the crowd.
8:20pm – Flair sneaks in a gigantic "Whooo" among the overwhelming commotion.
8:21pm – Flair, appearing to enjoy the surrounding chaos, begins dry humping the podium.
8:22pm – Adrian Adonis grabs the mic and suggests Flair’s hair should also be retired, all while making a pass at an aging Mean Gene.
8:24pm – Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake restores order and immediately shaves Adonis’ head.
8:27pm – Flair is given a respectful 3-minute standing ovation by everyone in the room, including his own flabby breasts.
8:29pm – Irwin R. Schyster is spotted handing out business cards since it is in fact, tax season.
8:31pm – Classy Freddie Blassie orders another round of Beefeater while continuing to pinch the ass of every passing waitress.
8:32pm – Flair and his closest comrades chug 100 beers, each one honoring a different wrestler who has passed away in the last year.
8:33pm – During closing ceremonies, Flair, now clearly sauced to the bejezuz, launches into tirade
over how he never was made into a G.I. Joe character, ending with "Screw you, Slaughter! You too, Fridge! Wooo!! Woooo!!!!"