Sports Hernia Blog

Mark Schlereth commits goatee fraud


What is it exactly that we see there on Mark Schlereth’s chin, we know it’s been there for awhile, but is it really a goatee?  Did we miss something?  Is growing a goatee really the next logical step for men who thoroughly enjoy eyebrow waxing, hair dyeing, tanning bed napping and soap opera make-up in their lives?

Look at that thing, it’s ninety different colors, it’s like he sat back in the dressing room and said,  "Ah yes, my favorite time of the afternoon, today give me… sandy beach," and then closed his eyes while the magic happened and dreamt of himself spiking a volleyball on Mike Golic’s poorly manicured head during Pro Bowl week.

Schlereth should probably just get it over with and shave the embarassment off his face.  The proper goatee ambassadors are guys like Kevin Youkilis and David Wells, and that’s because those guys eat cheeseburgers while they’re taking a shit, likely one in each hand, and then proudly text their buddies a picture of said shit.