Sports Hernia Blog

Mark Schlereth commits goatee fraud


What is it exactly that we see there on Mark Schlereth’s chin, we know it’s been there for awhile, but is it really a goatee?  Did we miss something?  Is growing a goatee really the next logical step for men who thoroughly enjoy eyebrow waxing, hair dyeing, tanning bed napping and soap opera make-up in their lives?

Look at that thing, it’s ninety different colors, it’s like he sat back in the dressing room and said,  "Ah yes, my favorite time of the afternoon, today give me… sandy beach," and then closed his eyes while the magic happened and dreamt of himself spiking a volleyball on Mike Golic’s poorly manicured head during Pro Bowl week.

Schlereth should probably just get it over with and shave the embarassment off his face.  The proper goatee ambassadors are guys like Kevin Youkilis and David Wells, and that’s because those guys eat cheeseburgers while they’re taking a shit, likely one in each hand, and then proudly text their buddies a picture of said shit.


  1. Marv

    May 15, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    I don’t think this dude is real. It makes sense too: he’s had so many frickin’ surgeries that I think he got a total body replacement – goatee and all.

  2. That's a lot of potatoes!

    May 16, 2008 at 10:56 am

    What a fucking tool…I’ve never seen such a homer for his former donkeys. “Elway’s God” “Shanahan didn’t cheat the cap” “Al Davis is a cook” ..yeah, let’s beat that Barbaro premise one more time.. Fucking douche, goatees went out in 1997…

  3. Howie Long

    May 16, 2008 at 11:41 am

    I applaud this man’s primped-ness.

  4. Zen Wizard

    May 16, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    I am a Baby Boomer, so any goatee looks like failed Maynard G. Krebs Irony, to me.

  5. Bishopville Red

    August 18, 2009 at 12:44 am

    Goatee : the mullet of the new century.

  6. Kevin Randall

    December 22, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    Yea I agree nothing wrong with that. BTW Kevin Youkilis’ goatee is disgusting its like a sea urchin on the bottom half of his face.

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