Sports Hernia Blog

Addition of MLB player names expected to wreak havoc at National Spelling Bee


The 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee won’t be without a twist this afternoon as a late wrinkle to the rules will have the accomplished young spellers preparing to rattle off some of the elaborate last names of today’s professional baseball players.

Dozens of little Indian children, some of whom didn’t even know what baseball was until last week, were seen scouring over Topps cards in the lobby of the event sponsored hotel earlier this morning.

With the new addendum to the rules, a dark horse has emerged in 13-year old focused powerhouse Jerry Brewster (pictured above), who was seen practicing spelling and sentence use with his father, while chest bumping each other and screaming "Let’s go Brew!" after each correctly spelled name:

"Teixeira.  Teixeira will likely be a Yankee next year.  T-e-i-x-e-i-r-a.  Teixeira."

"Mientkiewicz.  Mientkiewicz will likely be in the minors soon.  M-i-e-n-t-k-i-e-w-i-c-z.  Mientkiewicz."

"Saltalamacchia.  Saltalamacchia was in the minors but now he’s back!  S-a-l-t-a-l-a-m-a-c-c-h-i-a.  Saltalamacchia."

"Grudzielanek.  Grudzielanek posed for a weird calendar that gives me nightmares.  G-r-u-d-z-i-e-l-a-n-e-k.  Grudzielanek."

"Podsednik.  Podsednik hasn’t been the same since he beat Jeter out for the last All-Star spot.  P-o-d-s-e-d-n-i-k.  Podsednik."

"Quintanilla.  Quintanilla took a ground ball in the nuts at second base last night.  Q-u-i-n-t-a-n-i-l-l-a.  Quintanilla."

"Isringhausen.  Isringhausen will be shot-putting the ball by seasons end because LaRussa overuses his bullpen.  I-s-r-i-n-g-h-a-u-s-e-n.  Isringhausen."

"Van Benschoten.  Van Benschoten is a pitcher for some team in Pittsburgh.  V-a-n B-e-n-s-c-h-o-t-e-n.  Van Benschoten."

"Catalanotto.  Catalanotto is ginny for baseball player.  C-a-t-a-l-a-n-o-t-t-o.  Catalanotto."

"Fukudome.  I wish mom would let me say Fukudome more often.  F-u-k-u-d-o-m-e.  Fukudome."


  1. Zen Wizard

    May 29, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    I really don’t have anything to say–I just wanted to get the Comment-Bee started.

  2. Von Kaiser

    May 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    That kid’s favorite player is Bobby Jenks.

  3. JA

    May 29, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    Look at those two. Thats my guy, looks like Mr. Brewster could be sneakin in a 6pack of High Life. Go Brew!!

  4. Stonehands

    May 29, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    I heard at one point the crowd on the left side of the room began shouting “BREEEEW” while the other side was shouting “STERRRRR” — it’s a f’ing shitshow in there.

  5. Big Dago

    May 30, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Its guinea not ginny. Please get your ethnic slurs correct. Joe DiMaggio is rolling in his grave and Frank Sinatra just sent someone back from the dead to whack you.

  6. TBone

    May 30, 2008 at 10:02 am

  7. charlie

    May 30, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Let’s Go Brew!

  8. SoxAddict

    May 30, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    I would have lifetime scholarships to every college in the world if the spelling bee really consisted of the names of MLB players.

    Unfortunately it doesn’t and I lost my 3rd grade spelling bee because I have trouble spelling marshmallo. Marshmellow? Marshmalow?


  9. tamtam

    September 21, 2008 at 1:01 am

    pierzynski. pierzynski will punch out another catcher this year. p-i-e-r-z-y-n-s-k-i. pierzynski

  10. Joe

    October 1, 2008 at 2:31 pm

    They are all going to bomb because I can’t imagine they know anything about sports.

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