Sports Hernia Blog

Hernia NBA Special Report: No one knows shit


A special Hernia study has uncovered that no one knows jack shit about tonight’s NBA Draft.  With only a few hours to go, it has been safely determined that not one single NBA "insider" has a fucking clue.

Chad Ford has reported that Jerryd Bayless "very well could go to the Heat at No. 2, but don’t be surprised to see him end up with the Knicks at 6, although he could very well slip to the Celtics at 30, that is if the Bobcats don’t trade up to Memphis’ spot at 5 and grab him.  Then again, he may wind up with the Sonics at number 4, as their interest in local product Big Foot has once again fizzled following several mediocre one-on-one workouts with Jack Sikma, who focused on post moves and pick-up lines.  Nevertheless, don’t rule out the possibility of him not getting drafted at all and ending up quitting the game entirely."

While over at, Ian Thompson similarly lacks any more of an idea than you or me; "Don’t be shocked if Mayo slides to the Knicks at 6, but since he’s possibly the best player in the draft, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Bulls take him at 1.  Then again, Minnesota likes him as well, although Kevin Love, Danilo Gallinari, Brook Lopez, Russell Westbrook and some guy from Sweden are also a possibility at No. 3 for the Wolves.  Dear God, someone help me."

ESPN’s Ric Bucher didn’t add much worth noting other than emphatically saying, "I’ll be tan ass hell."

Andy Katz, out with a mysterious eyebrow tweezing mishap, was unavailable for comment.


  1. Zen Wizard

    June 26, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    I would hope that the Oompa-Loompa on the left would at least know THE WAY TO WILLIE WONKA’S CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

  2. Someone from Utah

    June 26, 2008 at 11:42 pm

    Hey Bucher, thanks for taking your laughable tan down a level from “Hernia Orange” to “Rotten Pumpkin” this year.

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