Sports Hernia Blog

Other ways the Mets could have fired Willie


In case you didn’t know yet, the Mets wacked Willie Randolph at 3am last night following the team’s victory over the Los Angeles Angels.  Seeing that they took such a classless route in letting him and the majority of his staff go, we thought we’d throw in a few ways the organization could have gone about this move a bit classier.

  1. Hit Willie over the head with a steel chair while he makes a pitching change; then spray paint ?F-I-R-E-D? on his back.
  2. Dress up a team of fake Mets to fly with him on a decoy plane to Afghanistan while the real Mets fly to Los Angeles to play the Angels.
  3. Release video of Willie playing army with Dark Helmet.
  4. Drive him to the woods so Silvio can chase him down and shoot him in the back.
  5. Slowly tweeze his mustache one hair at a time until he offers his resignation.
  6. Make him wear a Rusty Staub wig and bench coach Jerry Manuel’s glasses until the humiliation is just too much to handle.
  7. Put him in the trunk of a car and take him to the Pine Barrens, then accidentally let him escape, never to be heard from again.
  8. Mic him up to the PA system for all home games and force him to explain each pitching change and lineup move until someone at Shea jumps from the stands and takes him out themselves.
  9. Fax him a pink slip while on vacation.
  10. Force him to run from the Indiana Jones boulder until it eventually squashes him like a pancake.
  11. Put him on the dais of a Roast and then at the end have Carrot Top act out his firing with a flare gun and a large plastic whale.
  12. Throw a cooler of water on his back as if they’re celebrating something great; then tell him he’s fired.
  13. Tell him that he’s either fired or has to watch Temple of Doom and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in a row.
  14. Have Dog the Bounty Hunter and his crew take Willie from the dugout mid-game.
  15. Make him and Rick Peterson hit each other with giant Itchy & Scratchy hammers until they’re both out of commission.
  16. IM him a crying emoticon and type "TTYL".
  17. Have the Undertaker run him over with his suped up hearse.


  1. Stonehands

    June 17, 2008 at 10:39 am

    From that list, I have to go with:

    IM him a crying emoticon and type “TTYL”

  2. Zen Wizard

    June 17, 2008 at 10:47 am

    Best. Post. Ever.

  3. Upstate Underdog

    June 17, 2008 at 10:49 am

    I would have gone with a singing telegram. Everyone loves singing telegrams.

  4. Mike C

    June 17, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Only if the singing telegram is from the Big Ragu

  5. Upstate Underdog

    June 17, 2008 at 10:54 am

    nice Laverne and Shirley reference Mike C.

  6. TBone

    June 17, 2008 at 11:00 am

    Make Willie and his staff re-enact SNL’s “Dear Sister”:

  7. Von Kaiser

    June 17, 2008 at 11:45 am

    Have a disguised Vince McMahon rip off his umpire mask and scream, “YOU’RE FIIIIIRED” while the crowd goes nuts.

  8. gerrard sir hornypants

    June 17, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    im such a sucker for Undertaker jokes….

  9. JJ

    June 17, 2008 at 1:37 pm


  10. reilly

    June 17, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    Wait until they return to Shea and after opposing team hits 5th home run off Aaron Heilman to blow 8 run lead have the apple pop up with words “Willie – You’re Fired”

  11. Eric from Port Richmond

    June 17, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    SHame they couldnt have had Trump on the Jumbo Tron do it at the next Mets home game.

    Being from Philly originally, I am sad to see him go.
    Last weekend I was down there and Saw a Willie Randolph for President bumper sticker.

    Very comical how the New York Media handles these things.
    NO CLASS in the Mets organization!

  12. Scott Sargent

    June 17, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    Opting for the Silvio over the Big Pussy? I guess it works…

  13. IANT

    June 17, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    All they had to do was “fix the Glich” and tell him when he comes looking for his paycheck

  14. TBone

    June 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm


    Big Pussy is Omar Minaya, and he will be thrown off The Stugots with cinder blocks tied to his ankles by August.

  15. Scott Sargent

    June 17, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    Funny – I always pictured Omar as the Mikey Palmice type to get popped while jogging…

  16. How do you spell retard?

    June 17, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    Willie Randolph v. X-Pac and Prince Albert and in a ‘Loser Gets Fired’ Handicapped match.

  17. Eric from Port Richmond

    June 18, 2008 at 7:18 am

    per Reilly’s earlier comment!!!

  18. CLICK HERE for Reilly tribute to WILLIE!

    June 18, 2008 at 7:20 am

    Click on the CLICK HERE FOR THE LINK!

  19. jnr98

    June 18, 2008 at 9:43 am

    That’s a great picture of Willie! I just posted it on my site, hope you don’t mind. I’d love to give credit where appropriate!

  20. The Sports Hernia

    June 18, 2008 at 9:48 am

    @Eric from Port Richmond:

    Well done my friend, that picture is pure gold.

  21. lindseybobralph

    June 18, 2008 at 10:38 am

    18. Bring him out on the field for a post-game ceremony, and have Ryan Seacrest break the news over the P.A.

  22. tamtam

    September 21, 2008 at 12:46 am

    my favorite is #7 🙂

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