Sports Hernia Blog

Things missing from this year’s version of Lakers-Celtics

Larry_bird_vs_magic_converse_weap_2

For the next three days right up until tip-off we’ll continue to hear at exhausting length the history of the Lakers-Celtics rivalry along with accompanying highlights.  Some of it will actually be pretty cool to see, but after the 90th emotionally reflective piece along with Stu Scott’s eventual Laker-Celtics poetry jam-off, it’ll get pretty damn stale.

In the spirit of keeping things simple, here’s a look at what we’ll be seeing in the 2008 version of the storied match-up versus years past:

Things that’ll be missing from the 2008 Lakers-Celtics Finals
Mustaches
Mullets
– Irish power forwards
– Giant blowfish goggles
– Classic arenas
– Nut hugging short shorts
– Dennis Johnson’s freckles
– Bill Walton’s feet
– Simple pregame introductions
– 85% of Diane Cannon’s facial dermis
– Johnny Most’s unruly eyebrows
– Michael Cooper’s socks
– Virginity
– 00
– M.L. Carr’s rally jizzrag, errr, towel
– Gravel-voiced announcers
– Soul-Glo
– Hypercolor t-shirts
This commercial
– And this commercial

And the things that won’t be missing (after the jump)

– Air conditioning
Nerd glasses
– Lame arenas
– Jack Nicholson’s mojo
– Jerry Buss’s Boogie Nights hair
Hairy armpits (thanks Pau!)
– Blackness (from Lakers)
– Europeans
– Red hair (hello Scalabrine!)
– Man purses
BeetlePierce
– Max Fischer
– Bob Ryan’s sweet blazer/tie combos
– A drooling Sports Guy

UPDATE:  Aside from everyone on the planet already handing the Lakers the trophy (which is just bizarre), one of our daily stops, Joe Sports Fan, rang in on this very topic.  Great minds think alike, although we’re kicking ourselves for the glaring kneepad omission.  Anyway, make sure you check it out if you haven’t already, really funny stuff.

10 Comments

  1. Cinematically-Correct

    June 2, 2008 at 4:54 pm

    Virginity will be missing? You lucky bastard.

  2. Von Kaiser

    June 2, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    Never seen Bird with that Matthew McConaughey “Well it’d be a lot cooler if you did” face

  3. Zen Wizard

    June 2, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    Thing missing from every Lakers championship: The presence of actual LAKES in Los Angeles.

  4. JJ

    June 2, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    THE LAKERS WERE A TRANSPLANT TEAM FROM MINNESOTA [ WHERE THERES 10,000 LAKES ] WHICH BRINGS THE QUESTION, WHY DO TEAMS DRAG THIER NICKNAME ALONG WHEN THEY MOVE TO ANOTHER CITY? YOU GUYS COULD DO A BIT ON THAT. STEVE SUMMERS [ WFAN ] HAS THE RIGHT NAME FOR L A THE “HOLLYWOOD FAKERS ” PERFECT FOR ALL THE WEST COAST WANNABES!!

  5. Von Kaiser

    June 3, 2008 at 10:02 am

    Currently waiting for the Sports Guy to say “I will now electrocute my nipples” after Kobe hits the winning shot in Game 1.

  6. STEPHEN A. SMITH

    June 3, 2008 at 10:22 am

    I BELIEVE THIS SERIES WILL BE ALL LAKERS. I PLAN TO WATCH MOST OF THESE GAMES FROM THE CHEEZE DOODLE PIT AT SESAME PLACE.

  7. Darth Vader

    June 3, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    The force is clearly with young Rondo.

  8. lep

    June 4, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    time for the nba to go green!

  9. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    June 7, 2008 at 12:03 pm

    is it true AC Green started a porn actor career after he retired, to make up for his NBA period?

    according to Adult Video News, he appears in some 3some videos with Scott Wedman and random chicks

  10. Miss CARR

    October 29, 2008 at 11:14 am

    did you come up with that towel comment all by yourself douchebag. Catch the ceremony last night…things that were missing…LAKERS

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