Sports Hernia Blog

Cashman explains “the move” to A-Rod

Arod_madonna_finisher_2
Cashman:  All right.  On your bed.  You got a headboard?  You’ll need a headboard.

A-Rod:  It’s a race car bed, but yeah, the overhanging windshield is the headboard.

Cashman:  Is it padded?

A-Rod:  The headboard isn’t, but the knees in my pajama pants are.

Cashman:  Good.  It’s Madonna now, right?  How tall is she?

A-Rod:  Five-foot four, and really jacked.  Why?

Cashman:  You can’t have more than a one-foot differential in your heights.  Otherwise, you could really hurt your neck.

A-Rod:  Phew.  I’m 6’3", I just make it.  Bri, I can’t tell ya how much I appreciate this.  Can I involve lipstick?

Cashman:  No.

A-Rod:  What if it’s purple?

Cashman:  You’re drifting again.

A-Rod:  Can I slap my balls out of her hand?

Cashman:  Focus Alex, if you could master this, you’ll never be alone.  Now, the ending is kind of an option.  I use the swirl.  I like the swirl.  I’m comfortable with the swirl.  I feel the swirl is a great capper.  I’ve used the pinch, but I find it a little presumptuous.

A-Rod:  Is it a clockwise swirl?

Cashman:  I prefer clockwise, but it’s not written in stone.

12 Comments

  1. Stonehands

    July 2, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    I heard Theo Epstein stole the move from Cashman.

  2. How do you spell retard?

    July 2, 2008 at 2:12 pm

    And the Peabody for Excellence in Internet Media goes to…
    +2 Hernia

  3. Quite Frankly

    July 2, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    Awesome.

  4. Cinematically-Correct

    July 2, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    I stopped short on Madonna once…those spiky cone tits stabbed me through the forearm.

  5. Estelle Costanza

    July 2, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    I stopped short on A-Rod once, and he was wearing Frank’s “manziere”!!

  6. That's a lot of potatoes!

    July 2, 2008 at 4:31 pm

    A-Rod is bound to screw this up and use a knuckle.

  7. Von Kaiser

    July 2, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    What are the chances he writes these instructions on his ass instead of his palm?

  8. Zen Wizard

    July 2, 2008 at 5:32 pm

    Madonna would appreciate a stunt I would call, “The Canseco Sandwich”–but something tells me that ain’t gonna happen.

  9. Sports Tsar

    July 2, 2008 at 7:09 pm

    @Estelle Costanzo: you mean a “bro” ?

  10. jnr98

    July 3, 2008 at 9:54 am

    he’ll also spit sunflower seeds on her cones.

  11. Estelle Costanza

    July 3, 2008 at 10:02 am

    @Sports Tsar: I side with my husband Frank, not Kramer, even though I’m drawn to him.

  12. tamtam

    September 21, 2008 at 12:34 am

    @ estelle costanza:

    no, you’re right. its a ‘manziere’

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