Sports Hernia Blog

What you didn’t hear about Louis Albano’s birthday bash

Legendary wrestling manager Captain Louis Albano celebrated his 75th birthday Sunday night and in appropriate rowdy fashion, fists and beer bottles were thrown and the inevitable laundry list of assault charges were filed, with the alleged guilty party being former mediocre wrestler, Jim "Sandman" Fullington.

Well the Hernia mole, a huge wrestling fan with a knack for landing invites to such prestigious events as this, was lucky enough to be there and filed the following juicy report on the booze-soaked gala:

– Rowdy Roddy Piper got so drunk he forgot to change the questions once Jimmy Snuka was pretty sure he had the answers

– Hulk Hogan got so drunk he let his son Nick drive him home

– Hillbilly Jim got so drunk pregaming at home he showed up in an Armani suit

– Yokozuna got so drunk he ordered a salad

– Earl Hebner got so drunk he actually screwed Bret Hart

– Ric Flair got so drunk he confused his flesh for a fancy leather jacket and handed it to the coat check chick

– Slick got so drunk he only porked three barmaids

– Hacksaw Jim Duggan got so drunk he ordered a martini and used Mean Gene to stir it

– ‘Chico’ Santana and Jesse Ventura got so drunk they finally hugged it out

– Mr. Fuji got so drunk he sprinkled green mist in his own quesadillas, sending himself to the emergency room

– Macho Man got so drunk he made out with Adorable Adrian Adonis

– The Ultimate Warrior got so drunk he was reduced to a mediocre warrior with flabby tits

– Sgt. Slaughter got so drunk he arose from his grave (he must be dead too, right?)

Lord Littlebrook got so drunk he drown in a puddle of Big John Studd’s spit

– Ted DiBiase got so drunk he left his brief case filled with $10,000,000,000 on the bar

– Jimmy Hart got so drunk he didn’t drink out of his megaphone

– Bobby the Brain Heenan got so drunk he shook hands with Hogan


  1. Upstate Underdog

    July 23, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Koko B. Ware got so drunk he barbequed and ate his pet macaw “Frankie”.

  2. Stonehands

    July 23, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    Jose Luis Rivera got so drunk he pinned himself. The 9,000,000,000,000th loss of his career.

  3. Von Kaiser

    July 23, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    Jerry the King Lawler got so drunk he admitted his haircut sucks.

  4. Richard

    July 23, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    George “the Animal” Steele got so drunk he started jacking off in front of everyone and had to be tasered.

  5. Barry

    July 23, 2008 at 1:24 pm

    Tony Schiavone got so drunk he thought he was invited. To anything.

  6. JA

    July 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Jake “The Snake” Roberts got so drunk he coheresed Macho Man’s wife Queen Elizabeth into the bathroom with Damion.

  7. Gellman

    July 23, 2008 at 2:36 pm


  8. zen wizard

    July 23, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    The Undertaker got so drunk he tried to embalm Albano’s “real doll”: (NSFW)

  9. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    July 24, 2008 at 8:21 am

    Tatanka got so drunk…..(firewater joke)

    On a side note, love Mean Gene. I see him out at bars all the time down here in Sarasota and he’s always looking to try to meet some young strange. He pretty much looks like shit though now and really I’m the only dude in the bar who knows who the fuck he really is so it doesn’t go off so well for the Mean One.

  10. Pallyc

    July 24, 2008 at 10:25 am

    How about this:
    The british bulldogs got so drunk they banged a couple of british buldogs
    Greg the Hammer valentine got so drunk he put the birthday cake into a figure-4 leg lock
    Tito Santana got so drunk he rolled himself into a burrito and repeatedly shouted ‘EAT ME”

  11. dj

    October 14, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    R.I.P – Capt Lou Albano

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