Sports Hernia Blog

NBA to offer even more European trends next year

Josh_childress_2

With Brandon Jennings passing over Arizona to play in Europe, talks of Jason Kidd retiring overseas and now Josh Childress heading to play with Greek club Olympiakos, the NBA should expect to see even more wonderful European trends next year.  Here are a few of the more prominent ones:

– Actual movement without the ball
– Hair, just more fucking hair (including rancid facial hair)
– Tighter suits with shorter ties: Forget suits so roomy you could fit one of your illegitimate kids in, NBA players are sure to follow
Peja’s style with tight-ass striped pants with 4-inch long neckties
– Midrange jump shots. Seriously, it might happen
– More grease, body grease, hair grease, just more fucking grease
– Hustling
– Weeping
– Yelping
– Complaining
– Bitching
– Grimacing
– Shoulder hair
– Flops, just more fucking flops

The move by Childress in particular also has many people speculating how many other players might soon follow suit, yet all his unexpected decision did for us was trigger other surprising moves from the past
that didn’t exactly pan out, depending who you’re talking to:

– Jeff Garcia leaves 49ers for ill-fated stint in Roller Derby league
– Jeff Van Gundy abruptly leaves Knicks to manage Ric Flair
– Mike Gminski leaves NBA to be Giant Gonzalez in WWF
– Doug Overton and Rick Brunson leave NBA to join Madden Nation
– Rick Adelman leaves Blazers to become registered pedophile
– Donnie Walsh leaves Pacers to become Paul Bearer
– Waldo leaves book to become Scott Layden
– Olyden Polynice leaves NBA for Secret
Service
– Rafeal Palmero leaves MLB to run for U.S. Senator
– Mark McGwire leaves baseball to become spokesman for steroids
– Shaq leaves NBA to star in proposed movies Kazaam, Steel and Freddy Got Fingered.  Oh shit, that actually happened.

5 Comments

  1. jnr98

    July 25, 2008 at 11:27 am

    what’s with Childress’ gums and teeth? His gums are an inch long and his teeth are tiny? He looks like some strange sorta piranha. Tiger shark perhaps?

  2. Gellman

    July 25, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    Josh Childress is one handsome man.

  3. shootermcgavin

    July 25, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    “hes got little dolphin teeth”

    pit bull

  4. saucy

    July 25, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    hopefully, the greek team will pay him enough that his mother can retire from being the Jefferson’s maid…

  5. Stonehands

    July 26, 2008 at 9:22 am

    Ironically, puberty turned out to be Childress’s least awkward years.

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