Sports Hernia Blog

Other NFL teams following Chiefs lead

It didn’t long for the understandable new rule out of Kansas City that calls for "no more standing" during Chiefs home games to inspire several other NFL teams to chime in with their own new provisions, cracking down on the goofy shenanigans from their respective fanbases.

Cowboys Hats cannot be bigger than 10 gallons and fake cans cannot exceed triple Ds.

Jaguars The "business" part of your mullet can’t be higher than 4 inches.  Also, just stop growing that ratty mustache already.

Redskins No longer allowed to pull on someone’s pig nose and snap it back in their face.

JetsOnly allowed to stab people in the bathroom during games against the Patriots.

GiantsNo more playfully pelting people directly in the face with iceballs or batteries.

RaidersNo more beating and killing other fans in your row.

TexansFeeding a baby with your drinking helmet now prohibited.

SteelersCan no longer wring out their jizzrags aka Terrible Towels on opposing fans’ heads.

CardinalsNo more of this "never attending any games" business.

Eagles No longer permitted to shit on the field.

BrownsNo longer allowed to litter the field with thousands of beer bottles during the first quarter.

LionsNo more anally sodomizing Matt Millen dolls.  Standard (and quite popular) garbage bag hat still permitted.

Bills No more throwing your souvenir blankets over people’s heads to give them dutch ovens.

SeahawksCannot be more annoying than Matt Hasslebeck (actually, this shouldn’t be a problem).

PatriotsNo longer allowed to dress like civilians, drink out of actual wine glasses and carry Sony Mini-DVD Handycams.

BearsNo longer allowed to shoot yourself with a harpoon gun after realizing your QBs are named Grossman, Orton, Nick Hill and some guy named Caleb.

Vikings See Bears.

Buccaneers- No longer allowed to verbally question Jeff Garcia’s sexuality.  Signs still acceptable.

PanthersFans no longer allowed to imitate that atrocious Panther growl that plays over the PA system.


  1. Zen Wizard

    July 3, 2008 at 1:41 pm


  2. Stonehands

    July 3, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    “Hats cannot be bigger than 10 gallons and fake cans cannot exceed triple Ds.”

    So Lloyd Christmas and Morgana the Kissing Bandit are out. Fuck.

  3. JJ

    July 3, 2008 at 2:37 pm


  4. Soy

    July 3, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    Packers – no shirt, no shoes, no service.

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