Sports Hernia Blog

Papelbon, Wow, F**k Off

There is dumb and there is stupid, then there is out of your mind retarded, and Jonathon Papelbon, you certainly win the prize there, so FUCK YOU, you fucking moron.

Your latest quotes about closing the all-star game are some of the stupidest comments I’ve heard in a long time.  Do you know anything about baseball?  Do you understand numbers?   Did your father educate you in a barn while he was butt-fucking some sheep and your mom was out on a ?date? with cousin Jerry?

Saying you should be the closer over Rivera in this game is ridiculous, your ERA is double Rivera?s (1.03), you have four blown saves, he has blown ZERO, and you have seven walks to Rivera?s four.  Now in case you were wondering, in pitching, lower numbers are better, you dumb fuck.

This quote is unreal:  "If I was managing the team, I would close," Papelbon said. "I’m not managing the team, so it don’t matter."  Well stated.  Rivera, whose second language is English, can formulate a more grammatically correct statement than that.

Then, you dumb hick, you go on to talk about last year and how you earned it:  "We’ve both earned that right; us, by winning the World Series and having the opportunity of having our manager there and our team being represented, and Mariano by what he’s done for this role, we’re in Yankee Stadium and blah, blah, blah," Papelbon said.  "It’s not that easy.  Everybody thinks it’s a cut and dry answer, but it’s not."


Hey dickhead, who gives a shit about last year?   This is 2008 and the players who were voted to the all-star game are here because of this year?s accomplishments.  What planet are you living on?  Rivera should close because he has the best numbers as a closer in 2008, you know, the current season, so it actually is pretty fucking cut and dry.  And the best option after him is K-Rod, not you. 

As for your comment on Yankee stadium, if the game was in Seattle, Rivera should still close because he is the best, period.

The greatest part about this is that right after you made these comments you were were interviewed by a Boston Globe reporter and backtracked on everything you said to save face — well, I call bullshit.  Fuck that, you said it, you are a dumb motherfucker and now I can?t wait to hear all the boos you’ll get if you enter the game tonight sporting that gay scowl.

I am so sick of retarded athletes like you saying stupid shit and then immediately going back on what you say, like we are supposed to instantly forgive and forget.  Well, fuck that, you are a grownup, be a man and take responsibility for your moronic comments.

So in closing, Papelbon, get fucked you dancing piece of shit, go post a picture of your sack in your butt-buddy Schilling’s blog, ‘ya fag.

Fuck off.


Disclaimer:  Big Bad Weiss, the mysterious scribe of the FU Corner, hails from parts unknown and his articles are delivered by a headless horseman.


  1. jayhawkowensjunior

    July 15, 2008 at 4:16 pm

    Soria’s having a better year than K Rod.

    But yeah. Papelbon’s a ball bag.

  2. Chase Utley

    July 15, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    Yes, FUCK YOU Paplebon. I fuckin hate that dumb country fuck sack!

  3. Stonehands

    July 15, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Weiss for President… of something.

    Papelbon is a raging ball-tickler.

  4. Richard

    July 15, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    Apparently instead of a brain Papelbon has one long turd inside of his skull.

  5. tecmo

    July 16, 2008 at 8:46 am

    Wow, might be one of the best things I’ve ever read on the world wide web.

  6. UpstateUnderdog

    July 16, 2008 at 10:24 am

    Papelbon should shut the fuck up. BBW is the man for writing this.

  7. BobbyBeingManny

    July 16, 2008 at 10:57 am

    I’m guessing someone here feels dumb now…

    Which one of you guys did it?

  8. Sean O

    July 16, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    Aww, somebody needs a hug 🙁

  9. Heretic

    July 17, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Your stupid rant might have been slightly more effective had you not ended it on “ya fag” which, frankly, is something I expect to hear from 3rd graders on Xbox-live. YOU FAIL.

  10. Papelboner's Boner

    July 28, 2008 at 10:49 pm

    Actually Heretic, it ended with “Fuck Off.”

  11. tamtam

    September 11, 2008 at 2:48 pm

  12. Austin Jay

    October 17, 2008 at 10:43 am

    Haha, u are so right. im a st.louis fan and i still hate papelbon. its so fuckin annoying how he always over reacts when he gets a save. i would love to see a line drive rock him right in his face. that would make my day

  13. Corner Blitz 44

    November 6, 2008 at 5:34 am

    Hell yeah. I know this is old hat by this point, but anything that rages against the Blosox is a blessing, early or late. Besides, it underscores a very valuable point: Papelbon is a flaming douchebag, who wasn’t even the fourth-best closer in the A.L.

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