Sports Hernia Blog

Rumors as to why A-Rod left All-Star game early

One of the hometown all-stars who started last night’s game was Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez.  The self-tanning slugger was gracious enough to hang around for a whole five innings before putting on his suit and conducting postgame interviews, just a mere ten innings before the game’s completion.

Where the hell was he, you ask?  The drunk Hernia mole is on the case with a plethora of rumors:

– Created ‘Fusilli A-Rod’ and then sat on it
– Yoga session with DJ AM
– Built a spacious cushion fort in his penthouse
– Late Oompa-Loompa substitute in Broadway version of Wizard of Oz
– Sushi with Nicole Bass
– Played with Dark Helmet’s action figures
– Went home to send erotic emails to Papelbon’s pregnant wife
– Updated his facebook page with pictures from the game and sent a hug to Jeter
– Humped Josh Hamilton’s bat
– Went to get frosted tips on his pubes
– Late night squat workout and sparring session with Serena Williams
– Went to grab some wings with new ‘bro’ Spencer Pratt
– Zima pong with Carson Kressley
– Played laser tag with his dong
– Teeth whitening blast followed by Moonboots shopping spree (seriously, what was up with those cleats?)


  1. zen wizard

    July 16, 2008 at 1:44 pm

    – Appointment with off-duty police chalk artist to get “dick & balls”-logo drawn on forehead.

  2. Von Kaiser

    July 16, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    – Big Karaoke party at Sutton Place

  3. juicebox

    July 17, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    Can’t believe you didn’t mention Madonna even once… way too easy i guess

  4. the works

    July 18, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    Now that is a picture to keep in the “Recent Documents” folder.

  5. tamtam

    September 21, 2008 at 12:19 am

    1-word: madonna

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