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The NBA Future Timeline
- Updated: July 1, 2008
Last Thursday we witnessed yet another hilarious NBA draft, whether they meant it to be or not, and it inspired the gifted Hernia mole to take a look into his crystal balls to find out what’s to come for the vibrant league in the years ahead.
He shared these nuggets with us.
2009 – Since only seven dudes selected in the first round of the 2008 draft found the inspiration to actually show up to the draft festivities in New York, perturbed commissioner David Stern finally conducts the draft over IM.
2010 – Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentleman joins the panel of analysts for ESPN’s coverage of the draft.
2011 – Ohio State Assistant Coach Greg Oden has third knee cap replacement procedure.
2012 – In his first draft as GM/Minority Owner of Memphis Grizzlies, Michael Jordan completely butchers draft.
2013 – Knicks officially $1.79 under cap, but subsequently crushed by the news that the players association and owners agree to wave cap.
2015 – Larry Brown opts out of something, opts into something.
2018 – Draft now sponsored by Long?, the Official Adjective of the NBA Draft.
2020 – David Stern says fuck it and just annexes Eastern Europe.
2023 – Keith Van Horn is mentioned in several draft day trades.
2024 – Dikembe Mutombo signs 1-year farewell deal with his beloved Denver Nuggets.
2027 – Manute Bol becomes head coach of the New Jersey Nets, filling his roster strictly with skinny 7-footers who only launch threes from half court.
2031 – Hubie Brown and Dick Stockton become first skeletal announcing duo.
2035 – Charles Barkley rolls first set of human dice in Vegas, with wary participants Michael Adams and Muggsy Bogues.
2038 – ESPN makes history as ungracefully-aged "NBA Insider" Ric Bucher becomes first reporter to broadcast strictly from the sun.
2045 – A 65-year old Frederic Weis agrees to play for the Knicks.
2063 – ESPN18begins coverage for 2093 NBA Draft.