Sports Hernia Blog

The NBA Future Timeline

Last Thursday we witnessed yet another hilarious NBA draft, whether they meant it to be or not, and it inspired the gifted Hernia mole to take a look into his crystal balls to find out what’s to come for the vibrant league in the years ahead. 

He shared these nuggets with us.

****

2008 – Nets Center Brook Lopez shows up late and orders pizza to be delivered during his first class of mandatory rookie orientation.

2009 – Since only seven dudes selected in the first round of the 2008 draft found the inspiration to actually show up to the draft festivities in New York, perturbed commissioner David Stern finally conducts the draft over IM.

Nba2009draft1

2010 – Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentleman joins the panel of analysts for ESPN’s coverage of the  draft.

2011 – Ohio State Assistant Coach Greg Oden has third knee cap replacement procedure.

2012 – In his first draft as GM/Minority Owner of Memphis Grizzlies, Michael Jordan completely butchers draft.

2013 – Knicks officially $1.79 under cap, but subsequently crushed by the news that the players association and owners agree to wave cap.

2015 – Larry Brown opts out of something, opts into something.

2018 – Draft now sponsored by Long?, the Official Adjective of the NBA Draft.

2020 – David Stern says fuck it and just annexes Eastern Europe.

2023 – Keith Van Horn is mentioned in several draft day trades.

2024 – Dikembe Mutombo signs 1-year farewell deal with his beloved Denver Nuggets.

2027 – Manute Bol becomes head coach of the New Jersey Nets, filling his roster strictly with skinny 7-footers who only launch threes from half court.

2031 – Hubie Brown and Dick Stockton become first skeletal announcing duo.

2035 – Charles Barkley rolls first set of human dice in Vegas, with wary participants Michael Adams and Muggsy Bogues.

2038 – ESPN makes history as ungracefully-aged "NBA Insider" Ric Bucher becomes first reporter to broadcast strictly from the sun.

2045 – A 65-year old Frederic Weis agrees to play for the Knicks.

2063 – ESPN18begins coverage for 2093 NBA Draft.

4 Comments

  1. Upstate Underdog

    July 1, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    “2035 – Charles Barkley rolls first set of human dice in Vegas, with wary participants Michael Adams and Muggsy Bogues.”

    Barkley will be dead by then.

    /crosses fingers

  2. Von Kaiser

    July 1, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    “2023 – Keith Van Horn is mentioned in several draft day trades.”

    Unfortunately Keith Van Horn will still be alive by then.

  3. Soy

    July 1, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    I doubt we’ll have to wait ’til 2031 for Hubie and Dick to become skeletal.

    2009 sounds right to me.

  4. TBone

    July 1, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    Yeah, maybe this should be revised to:

    2002 – Hubie Brown and Dick Stockton become first skeletal announcing duo.

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