Sports Hernia Blog

Juan Rivera’s sideburns boycott reaching Canseco-like proportions


Is this really the look you’re going for, Juan?  When you go to the team barber or the Coming to America barbershop or wherever it is that you go, do you really say, "Now remember Sammy, no sideburns, I want them eliminated completely, and when you go above the ear, make sure you nail that sweet 45? angle, it’s symmetric with the slope of my nose."  Or is it that you go home after your appointment and shave the sideburns off yourself, in some bizarre ritual paying homage to Canseco?

There’s no doubt this is a risky fashion statement and we’re pretty sure no one outside of Mark Gastineau, Canseco, Rick Peterson or Carlos Beltran will ever understand what the hell this look is supposed to be, or how it’s not illegal, but we’re also pretty sure we don’t want it to go away.

Since all these guys despise sideburns so much, perhaps one of them would be brave enough to try the "dead sideburns" look, where an outline of a normal sideburn would be grown, but the center of it would be shaved out, like a sideburn died there.

And yes, that’s BeetleJuice on the far right.

**Our friends at Joe Sports Fan have already done some amazing and hilarious analysis on this trend, brilliantly coining them ‘NegBurns‘.  Make sure you check it out if you haven’t already.**


  1. jnr98

    August 1, 2008 at 11:29 am

    and i was about to yell “NEGBURNS”!!! glad you already got it

  2. Gellman

    August 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    What is better? Negburns or Mutton Chops?

  3. Stonehands

    August 1, 2008 at 1:34 pm


  4. Zen Wizard

    August 2, 2008 at 10:06 am

    I think that style can be traced back to the Achy Breaky period–the protractor sideburn in the front being the “business in the front” part that juxtaposes into the shaggy, “party in the back.”

  5. tamtam

    September 21, 2008 at 12:06 am

    forget the sideburns-just bring the mullet back!

  6. tamtam

    September 21, 2008 at 12:06 am

    forget the sideburns-just bring back the mullet!

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