Sports Hernia Blog

ESPN Countdown intro has Fox NFL Robot seething

1_terminator_4

It’s the first Sunday in September after Labor Day which means it’s time for some football, and of course, ESPN’s NFL Countdown!  One question, why does their intro look like a Terminator 4 trailer or the production set for the inevitable real-life Contra movie?  If only that giant laser was able to blast through our television screens.

***

5_resevoir_dorks_part_duex

Coming down the aisle, weighing in at a sloppy, sweaty, khaki-laden 1,500 pounds, it’s, it’s… wait, this isn’t the WWFE?  Oh right, this is NFL Countdown.  Got it.  That would explain why they’re walking through a deserted factory surrounded by pyrotechs.  Must be the Undertaker’s other undead brothers who majored in broadcasting.

***

4_berman_perhaps_being_a_tad_overdr

The only surprising thing about this hilariously over-the-top still of Berman is that his tie is made of fabric and not a live fish.  Poor Mike Ditka is terrified, he has no idea this is all make-believe.

***

7_yeah_thats_right_im_chris_mortens

Yeah, that’s right, I’m human toad Chris Mortensen… now how about taking off those panties, bitch.

***

8_giant_fucking_dorks

The six-man shtick army gathers in their secret back room where they watch Sleepers and corner the embarrassingly unathletic looking John Clayton, forcing him to do terrible, naughty things.

***

10_machine_used_to_press_down_ber_2

And deep in the creepy heart of Mt. Doom (aka Bristol), lives this giant angry skyscraper capable of flattening Chris Berman’s combover, even on the most unruly of days.  Then again, this could just be a glimpse of the welding process for Tom Jackson’s new stainless steel spit bowl.

***

12_nfl_countdown_orcs

Beware annoying, crappy Fox NFL Robot, the clones are coming for you…

15 Comments

  1. gerrard sir hornypants

    September 9, 2008 at 10:01 am

    what a bunch of absolute fucking boners….

  2. Zen Wizard

    September 9, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Walking, in suits, through a post-Apocalyptic factory where robots weld…

    They are supposed to be looking tough, but they actually look like some dorks from OSHA.

  3. Von Kaiser

    September 9, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Mort owns every room he enters, quite the social genius.

  4. JUICE

    September 9, 2008 at 11:34 am

    I HOPE BERMAN REMINDS US EVERY SHOW OF HOW LONG HE AND TOM HAVE BEEN TOGETHER, AGAIN AND AGAIN. IT JUST NEVER GETS OLD!

  5. JUICE

    September 9, 2008 at 11:38 am

    I HOPE BERMAN KEEPS REMINDING US OF HOW LONG HE AND TOM HAVE BEEN TOGETHER, AGAIN AND AGAIN. CAN’T GET ENOUGH!

  6. Upstate Underdog

    September 9, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    everybody knows the steel industry/NFL pre-game shows have been gay for years.

  7. jnr98

    September 9, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    I can almost smell the Eagles (the band, not the team) references now, Berman. Maybe another smart nickname, perhaps?

  8. Soy

    September 9, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    Did you know Brett Farve used to be a Packer? I finally realized it after Kornheiser mentioned his name for the 482nd time.

  9. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    September 10, 2008 at 1:57 am

    That’s the defiant look Mort had on his face for two days while people kept walking up to him and saying “I dunno Mort, I heard Parcells may not be going to Atlanta after all”

  10. jnr98

    September 10, 2008 at 9:57 am

    The Kornheiser/Favre drinking game resulted in 29 deaths by Tuesday.

  11. John

    September 10, 2008 at 11:31 am

    The mere sight of Chris Berman activates the channel change finger.

  12. Marv

    September 10, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Reminds me of that Simpsons episode at the steel mill: “We work hard, we play harder!”

    (Cue C&C Music Factory)

    “Everybody Dance Now!”

  13. TBone

    September 10, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    Tom Jackson is that singing guy from Remember the Titans right there. I guess he was going for his conservative 1960s look.

  14. JoeSportsFan

    September 11, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Awesome as usual, fellas.

  15. Sports Blogger

    September 15, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    These guys are clowns, how they fill more than 20 seconds of air after they pat each other on the back for the first half of the show amazes me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *