ESPN Countdown intro has Fox NFL Robot seething

It’s the first Sunday in September after Labor Day which means it’s time for some football, and of course, ESPN’s NFL Countdown!  One question, why does their intro look like a Terminator 4 trailer or the production set for the inevitable real-life Contra movie?  If only that giant laser was able to blast through our television screens.

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Coming down the aisle, weighing in at a sloppy, sweaty, khaki-laden 1,500 pounds, it’s, it’s… wait, this isn’t the WWFE?  Oh right, this is NFL Countdown.  Got it.  That would explain why they’re walking through a deserted factory surrounded by pyrotechs.  Must be the Undertaker’s other undead brothers who majored in broadcasting.

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The only surprising thing about this hilariously over-the-top still of Berman is that his tie is made of fabric and not a live fish.  Poor Mike Ditka is terrified, he has no idea this is all make-believe.

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Yeah, that’s right, I’m human toad Chris Mortensen… now how about taking off those panties, bitch.

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The six-man shtick army gathers in their secret back room where they watch Sleepers and corner the embarrassingly unathletic looking John Clayton, forcing him to do terrible, naughty things.

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And deep in the creepy heart of Mt. Doom (aka Bristol), lives this giant angry skyscraper capable of flattening Chris Berman’s combover, even on the most unruly of days.  Then again, this could just be a glimpse of the welding process for Tom Jackson’s new stainless steel spit bowl.

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Beware annoying, crappy Fox NFL Robot, the clones are coming for you…

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