Sports Hernia Blog

Gossage gets Hernia nod for Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year

The great American Mustache Institute is running their first ever ‘Robert Goulet Mustached
American of the Year
‘ award which, according to their press release, "recognizes the most impactful Mustached American of the past year."  The winner must also "champion the mustache and
stand apart from his or her fellow American."

The person that immediately came to our mind for this award is State Trooper Giambi and his reborn mustache that has developed right before our eyes this season. 

But then another famed mustachian also came to mind, a mustache that upon formal introductions, would tie Giambi’s lipworm into an unflattering knot, briefly berate it, stick wads of gum on either end of it and then unceremoniously toss it into the Hudson River.  A silvery mouth caterpillar that has stood its course for years upon years, despite what social conventions have dictated.  This badass ‘stache that we speak of could of course only be attached to one man, Goose Gossage.

Why Goose?  Well, just look at this thing, that ballsy mustache put itself on the map in 1972 and hasn’t looked back.  It’s also deserving because while Gossage was rightfully inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame this year, we’re pretty sure we didn’t see his mustache getting it’s own custom fitted jacket, so it’s only fair it receives an honor of equal respect and praise.  Choose Goose.

Sidenote: The mustache jingle that plays on this page MUST be turned into a music video starring Keith Hernandez as fast as humanly possible. 


  1. Von Kaiser

    September 3, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Currently chanting “Goose! Goose! Goose!” at my computer screen.

  2. Zen Wizard

    September 4, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    That moustache could give several Civil War generals a run for their money!

  3. Sports Blogger

    September 15, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Did he hide to vasoline in that thing? rotfl, jk

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