Sports Hernia Blog

Other crap they found in the Wrigley ivy

During the Cubs-Astros game last night, Houston’s
Hunter Pence hit a shot to deep center that forced the momentum of outfielder Jim Edmonds to carry him into the wall, causing a charmed
ball to mysteriously pop out of the storied ivy.

According to those in the know, the additional ball was likely stuck there during a game umpired by controversial baseball figure, Frank Drebin.

Upon a deep investigation into the ivy, here’s what else they found:

– A hot dog with ketchup on it (a sin in that city)
– Deep dish pizza
– John Kruk’s other ball
– Several pair of Dusty Baker’s trendy eyeglasses
Bartman, Steve
– Ron Santo’s Hall of Fame nomination
– Bears’ QB coach
– Fukudome’s confidence
– Mark Prior’s arm
– The rest of Tank Johnson’s arsenal
– The Fridge’s Front Teath
– Chris Farley’s hooker Friends
– Horace Grant’s Rec Specs
– One of the California Raisins
Sweet Lou’s pride
Nelson de la Rosa

– Paul Konerko’s batting average
– Michael Jordan’s bookie
Ronnie Woo Woo’s cot
– One of Will Purdue’s giant sneakers
– Bill Wennington’s sweat-stained tighty whities
Leon Durham’s astro lube
– Mark Grace’s flask, cigarettes and groupies
– Jim McMahon’s glass eye
– Jim Belushi’s pride (found inside Mr. Destiny DVD)
– Jeff Garlands ‘woe to be a Cubs fan’ act
D’Arcy Wretzy, former bassist for Smashing Pumpkins
– Billy Corgan’s body condom (used while boinking Courtney Love)
– John Cusack
– Don Zimmer’s secret fridge
– Kyle Orton’s whiskey puke
– Sammy Sosa’s cork & HGH, hidden inside a fake Spanish to English dictionary
Jack Haley’s failed line of exotic sweat towels
Jay Mariotti


  1. Upstate Underdog

    September 3, 2008 at 1:17 pm

    an unfinished cup of Old Style beer

  2. Upstate Underdog

    September 3, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    The 1938 Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup trophy

  3. Zen Wizard

    September 3, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    Well, since the ivy dropped two balls, there goes its dream of singing in the Vienna Boys’ Choir.

  4. Stonehands

    September 3, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    – Shawn Dunston’s bat

  5. Mr C

    September 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    5,000 pink hats

  6. Jake

    September 3, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    magnets that magically draw all of Derrek Lee’s ground balls directly to the shortstop or third basemen when there is a runner on first.

  7. Gellman

    September 3, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    Proof that the black sox scandal was a ploy by the powers that be to keep Chicago sports where they should be.

  8. Soy

    September 3, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    -Choreographer for the Super Bowl Shuffle
    -DJ Jazzy Jeff
    -Pete Myers

  9. Petesky

    September 3, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    – Luc Longley’s fasciitis

    – Ryne Sandberg’s yamika

    – Kyle Farnsworth’s party ball

  10. Anne on a mouse

    September 3, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    Billy Cianis and his goat.

  11. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    September 4, 2008 at 12:43 am

    The Lenscrafters glasses that Mike Singletary broke and discarded when it took them more than an hour to make them.

    Several of Steve McMichael’s old used condoms.

    The dead lifeless body of the Empire Carpet guy. (588-2300)

  12. tamtam

    September 11, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    heres other stuff they found in the ivy-

    moises alou’s private bathroom
    kerry wood’s blister
    2003 nl championship trophy
    kyle farnsworth’s control

  13. tamtam

    September 11, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    here’s other stuff they found in the ivy-

    moises alou’s ‘special place’
    ‘thin crust vs deep dish’ feud with new york over pizza
    kyle farnsworth’s control
    that guy who changes the scoreboard manually
    2003 nl champions t-shirts (trophy too)

  14. Sports Blogger

    September 15, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    He probibly found some herd from the last time the won a World Series. Maybe they should smoke some bring back that winning nastalga. lol Go Cubs!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *